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Ask Mom & Spawn: No Ring On The Finger, But Should I Linger?

“I am really happy with my boyfriend of 3 years. But, I want to know how to bring up the topic of marriage without freaking him out. We are both in medical school and will be applying to residency programs in 2 years. I would like to be married (or at least engaged) by that point.”
What can I say to him?” – Becca

@CrazyJewishMom: YOU’VE BEEN DATING FOR THREE YEARS AND HAVE NEVER TALKED ABOUT MARRIAGE!?!? RUN! Set his clothes on fire! Whatever you need to do! But get out! You’re wasting your time!

@KateESiegel: Okay, so first arson is for sure not the answer. That said, I do agree that three years is a super long time to date without even discussing marriage, given that it’s something you want. After three years, if you’re not comfortable enough to even talk about your future, you may as well just say screw it and have an honest conversation with the guy. I totally understand not wanting to rush into that talk early on, but three years in, you should feel comfortable discussing a future together. You’re at a point in your life where you need to make major life/ career decisions, and it’s important to understand where you are in the relationship before you even consider tailoring your career trajectory to accommodate building a life with him.

@CrazyJewishMom: Blah blah blah….bottom line: No. Ring. On. The. Finger. You. Must. Not. Linger. Marriage is a puke filled, unglamorous, marathon of a team sport. You need someone who’s in it with you for all the ups and downs, so when you talk to this guy, don’t try to tiptoe around the topic and avoid ‘freaking him out.’ Hell, FREAK HIM OUT! TRY IT! If he spooks, you don’t want to marry that COMMITMENTPHOPIC manbunned loser, anyway! Don’t waste your time on anything – bad boyfriend, bad job, bad anything. Trust me, time goes very fast.

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