“HI CJM and Spawn! I am a huge fan of your IG and SC accounts- you two are so interesting and funny! My question is about my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. He and I have different religious views. He is a staunch atheist while I come from a Christian background. I have mentioned to him that I would like to get married in a church and raise Christian children. He is totally against having a church wedding, and he does not like the thought of raising anything but secular children. Neither one of us wants to change our minds about this, regardless of what the other says. I love him, but I am starting to think this may be a deal-breaker. Is there anything I can do to make this work?” – Lorie
@CrazyJewishMom: If you truly love each other, COMPROMISE. If you can’t compromise now, the marriage won’t work. Get married by a judge. Who cares? Get married at City Hall. You will save a lot of money that you can use as a down payment on a house.
@KateESiegel: Before you rush off to the judge, I have to voice a bit of concern in this case. In general, I don’t think religion matters in a relationship if you and your partner are on the same page. I think you need to have an honest conversation with him about all this, and see if you can imagine a life together that makes you both feel comfortable. If you just ignore this stuff and brush it under the rug, it can lead to a lot of problems later on, so I highly recommend figuring it now.
@CrazyJewishMom: Oh yeah! Don’t leave these talks for after you’re married! If you can’t get on the same page now, you never will! If he’s the love of your life, try to make it work. But if not, it’s time to say goodbye atheist’o and hello Christian Mingle!
@KateESiegel: I have a bit of experience with this, actually. My boyfriend is Jewish, but he comes from a slightly more religious background. Okay, who am I kidding? My family is beyond secular. We serve bacon with our bagels, and my boyfriend keeps Kosher. But we love each other, so we make compromises and have figured out a life we’re both comfortable with. That said, as someone who hates going outside, the decision to formally declare that I would stay in on Friday nights and cook Shabbos dinner with my boyfriend, instead of stuffing myself into Spanx and haggling over group dinner check splitting for the thousandth time, was kind of a no brainer.
@CrazyJewishMom: Omg, Lorie, please ignore my spawn’s comments about her relationship with SUPERJEW. Two and a half years and no ring??? NO No No. However, she did give you good advice about compromise. And listen, I’m SURE your mother would be more than happy to catfish for you on Christian Mingle. Give me her email. I’ll talk to her.
@KateESiegel: Definitely don’t do that.
Read Kate’s Book!
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