“I’ve literally never been in a relationship, and I’m 24. I’ve had casual things but nobody I’ve been interested in seems to want more. I’ve been told I’m the “too innocent/like a sister” one or that I’m not “easy” enough to like romantically. I don’t enjoy clubbing or similar things – and I don’t know where to start to find someone.” -Emily
@CrazyJewishMom: STEP 1: Suck it up! Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do in the short term, to get what you want. You think I like spending my time SPERMINATOR hunting for my daughter? Well, kind of. But I don’t do it for pleasure. I do it, because I don’t want her to die alone and be eaten by a herd of her own cats! Listen, you have to go out and put yourself out there if you want to meet someone, even if it feels like torture.
@KateESiegel: To an extent, she’s right about putting yourself out there, but I also totally relate to what you’re feeling. My first “real” relationship didn’t happen until I was 20, so I heard a thousand excuses from guys who just wanted ‘casual things’ with me but had no interest in anything serious.
@CrazyJewishMom: A THOUSAND?
@KateESiegel: It was insanely frustrating, and it sometimes felt pretty hopeless. For me, the issue was that I was pursuing the wrong kinds of guys. As women, I think we’re conditioned to find the dramatic, angsty relationships we see in movies attractive, so we seek out those kinds of men in real life. I was basing my romantic ideal on Ryan Phillippe’s character in Cruel Intentions. CRUEL INTENTIONS. So, in my brain, the dream scenario would be for a sociopath to take my virginity on a bet, cheat on me with several girls (including his sister!), realize he loves me, break up with me (to protect me), and then die. Not amazing.
@CrazyJewishMom: No wonder you ended up with so many losers!
@KateESiegel: It’s a dangerous habit that I think a lot of young women fall into – equating love with angst. Long way of saying, think carefully about the kinds of guys you’re pursuing.
@CrazyJewishMom: Okay, blah blah blah. Let’s cut to the chase. 1. Stop hunting for asshole sperminators! 2. Online dating. 3. Mixers for singles at Churches and Synagogues (no matter what religion you are). 4. Go to the local university law school library or med school library 5. tell everyone you know to fix you up. 6. Sperminators are everywhere…not just bars. 7. Go places where the kinds of guys you want to date hang out. Want an athletic guy to work out with? Go rock climbing! Want a guy who likes Scifi? Go to Comic Con.
Read Kate’s Book!
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