Is he still in love with his ex?
“So, I’ve been dating this guy for about a year and a half. We moved in together about 9 months ago and things have been going well. He’s good marriage material, and he’s said 18 months is about the time he’d be comfortable starting to plan for marriage, so I’m trying to work out where I stand on that. Two issues: 1) When he works out, he can’t “keep it up” for a few days afterward. He knows this is a problem, and goes through phases where he works out a couple days a week to balance it out. This week? He’s been to the gym four times!!! When I joked about never getting laid again, he didn’t seem that concerned. 2) He keeps love notes from exes (one in particular who he is still in contact with) in a drawer. She’s married, but I wonder if he still has feelings. I feel uncomfortable bringing this one up because I learned some of it through…careful detective work. How should I proceed, getting the info I need about whether I should plan to commit or move on?” -Jenna
@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, what other info could you possibly need? He’s in love with his ex, and he can’t get his dick hard. Make him move out, and MOVE ON.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Okay, that’s extreme, mother. Jenna, I think you have to talk to him about the exes, even if that means admitting to the “detective work.”
@CrazyJewishMom: Hang on ladies, he can’t get it up, but you’re still worried about old love notes? Don’t you want to give your mom grandspawn? What’s to talk about here?
@KateFriedmanSiegel: A LOT, MOTHER. Jenna, obviously everyone has a few secrets, and in a relationship it can be tricky to balance full throttle honesty with the secrets that are okay to keep. (Like, your partner probably doesn’t need to know about the time you drunkenly made out with your uber driver). But your gut told you to snoop, and you found something troubling, so I think you have to talk about it.
@CrazyJewishMom: No no no, you never admit to the stalking!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: If you can figure out a way to bring it up without owning up to the “careful detective work,” that’s fine, but it’s probably best to just apologize for snooping, explain that you did it because you’ve been feeling like something is off, and have the conversation. You do NOT want to marry a man without talking about why he’s keeping love letters from his ex, 18 months into a relationship with you.
@CrazyJewishMom: Am I missing something here? HE IS HOLDING ONTO LOVE NOTES FROM A WOMAN HE DATED AND STILL TALKS TO. RUN! FLEE! LEAVE HIS FLACCID PENIS AND UNRESOLVED MOMMY ISSUES BEHIND!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: No no, I disagree. Keeping the letters could be as innocent as “I haven’t cleaned out my closet in a while.” And even if not, I do think a person can look back fondly on a past relationship without still being in love with their ex. That said, you definitely need clarity on his feelings before you move forward with him. This is not the time to brush things under the rug. And re his, uh, erectile issues, I’m not really sure. Maybe you could see if he’s open to visiting a doctor who specializes in that?
@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, the phrase is: happy wife, happy life! No one’s ever said: Soft dick, happy relationship!