Ask Mom & Spawn!

Ask Mom & Spawn: When You’re Single on Valentine’s Day

“I’m single……..very single, and I’m feeling very depressed about being alone on Valentine’s Day and this is the third year in a row since my ex broke up with me that I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. I’m 24 and I’m starting to panic that I’m falling behind and will never find someone. All of my friends are in long relationships, so I don’t even have anyone to distract me.  I feel like I can’t win. If I go out, it’s all people in love and flowers. If I stay in, it’s all romantic comedies on tv and engagement announcements on facebook. What can a single girl like me do on Valentine’s Day?” -April

@CrazyJewishMom: OH please. Relax. My Spawn is 28 and still not married! You’re only 24 not 84…get your boobs out and stop feeling sorry for yourself! You’re not a cat lady yet, but if you keep moping around like a self indulgent puppy, YOU WILL BE. 

@KateFriedmanSiegel: First, please please do not “panic” about this. You are very young, and people find love at many different times in their lives. Your life is fine, but I totally hear you. I think it’s normal to feel a little bummed this time of year. Valentine’s Day is a crazy holiday. If you’re single, it makes you feel like shit about not being in love. If you’re in a relationship, there’s a ton of pressure to make it a special night (BECAUSE THERE AREN’T ENOUGH GIFT GIVING HOLIDAYS ALREADY?!). Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Valentine’s Day was the brainchild of whoever invented Chinese water torture. Or hangnails. Or loud chewers. Or slow walkers on crowded streets. I digress. Point is, it’s a completely artificial day that seems to inevitably make a lot of people feel terrible, so try not to take it too seriously. It’s really just another day.

@CrazyJewishMom: Yeah, another day to go sperminator hunting! Who cares if your friends are going out to dinner with their boyfriends? There are a million things for singles to do on Valentine’s Day! You think you’re the only single person in the world? You’re not! There are singles mixers galore. I just looked on my facebook and there are ads for 3 singles events in New York! 

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I would like to point out that she only gets those ads, because she catfishes me on dating websites, so that’s just an algorithm thing. BUT, I don’t disagree that a singles event could be a fun way to spend Valentine’s Day. Well, maybe not fun if you’re like me and sweat profusely when forced to generate smalltalk with strangers, but it’s always good to get out there and meet people. If you’d rather avoid that kind of thing, book a massage or a mani-pedi Have an anti-valentine’s day party with friends! 

@CrazyJewishMom: Or you could visit your mother! I’m sure she’d love to hear from you. Take her for one of those vampire facials or the live fish biting pedicures.

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