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Ask Mom & Spawn: Do I Dump Mr. Nice Guy?


He’s nice, but do I stay?

“Hi Mom & Spawn. I’m 25 and have been with my boyfriend, Brian, for 4 years and long distance for most of those years (he’s on the West Coast, and I am on the East Coast). We have had a wonderful, committed relationship, and he is truly a fantastic person. My problem is that as we have gotten older and more serious, we have started to make future plans that I am now realizing I am not comfortable with. My job is requiring me to move to Berlin next fall, and my boyfriend has already decided that he will quit his job and come with me, despite knowing no one over there and not having any career plans lined up. As this has all been happening, I have realized that for the past year or so, that I have felt us moving apart, while he definitely does not feel the same way. He routinely talks about marriage while I find myself unable to see that in our future. I have tried to explain how I am feeling multiple times, but he redoubles his efforts to be a “good boyfriend” whenever I express my feelings, and I feel terrible that I am making him feel like he has to put in any extra effort, when the problem really is me. I want to be independent and to focus on my career for a while and I feel selfish for thinking this as I have someone who is a wonderful, caring person and committed. I genuinely care for my boyfriend and I will always love him, but I keep feeling that I need to be on my own. The problem is that I am nauseated by the thought of hurting him by breaking up. He would not see the break up coming and would be devastated. I helped him through a lot of tough times in our relationship and he did the same for me. We have been each other’s best friends for 4 years now and I don’t know how to inflict this kind of hurt on someone I care for this deeply. I feel selfish for even considering breaking up, but I know my heart is no longer in this relationship as strongly as his is. Please help me.” – Elizabeth

@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, you know what you want to do. Rip off the band aid and dump his clingy ass! Get back on the sperminator train and find yourself some nice European Manmeat! It sounds like he needs to get his own life and career. He’s going to follow you to Berlin with no job? And what? Live in the apartment you’re paying for? Eat your food? Why WOULD you be interested in him?

@KateFriedmanSiegel: You’re obviously conflicted about this guy, but it’s clear that you care for him deeply. I’ll say this; a long term relationship is a puke-filled, stress acne inducing marathon, so I think it’s normal to have moments when you feel less connected to your partner. Passionate sex and roses aren’t really the priority when you have a toddler with explosive diarrhea screaming his head off at 1 am, so I’d just advise you to give this a lot of thought and make sure you’re not being short-sighted. All of that said, trust your gut. If it feels wrong, don’t stay in something because you’re worried about hurting him. Obviously you should be as kind as possible about it, but you only get one life. If you know you don’t want to spend it with him, you should break up with him.

@CrazyJewishMom: Enough! Stop wasting time! Elizabeth, are you listening to me? Get up! Get off your computer right now, walk out the door, and dump him! Time is the most precious thing you have, and every second you spend worrying about this is a waste! You’re 25; focus on your career, there are plenty of sperminators in the sea.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I actually think waiting to end things because you’re concerned about devastating him, will just end up hurting him more in the long run. From the way you describe it, it sounds like you already know what you want and are just putting off the inevitable. The longer you wait, the more it’s going to hurt him.

@CrazyJewishMom: He’ll be fine. Buy him a pocket pussy, and get out of there.

NiceRead Kate’s Book!

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