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Ask Mom & Spawn: Do I give a cheater a second chance?

Cheater

Do I forgive the serial cheater a second chance?

“I was dating this guy for over a year, and we broke up last week.  I had told him no more lies and that I didn’t trust his platonic female friend or him with her, so she had to go. He agreed, but then I found out that within days they were still conversing. So, I kicked him out. Did a little research and found out:

1) I was the “other woman” in the beginning of our relationship, because he hadn’t broken up with his then-girlfriend.

2) He cheated on me with a different ex a couple months after that.

And that’s when it really went downhill. He started gaslighting me and projecting his guilt onto me – telling me I was crazy, was being overdramatic, and was blowing things out of proportion. His guilt made him twisted and surly and mean, and the smaller lies just kept piling up on top of the bigger ones. Now, he’s begging for forgiveness (something he never did) and asking for another chance. And I don’t believe him when he says that he will change and win me back. Do I let him try eventually if and/or after I am able to forgive him? Or do I cut off all contact and just learn from my mistakes?” – Sarah

@CrazyJewishMom:  Should you cut off contact? Honey, start by cutting off his lying, cheating testicles.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope. Don’t do that.

@CrazyJewishMom:  You should run, not walk away from this creep. You’d be CRAZY to believe a word this cheater says.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I do agree with that. It’s not like you caught him in a tiny little white lie designed to make you feel sexy in the middle of a hefty bout of period bloating. This guy has a problem with the truth, and you can clearly see a pattern of cheating. And think about it, this is just the stuff you know about. I don’t really see what you’d want to save here. He lied from the beginning, and if you’ve only been together for a little over a year, he was still cheating on you 1/3 of the way into your relationship!

@CrazyJewishMom:  You don’t have kids with this guy, what on earth would make you want to forgive him??

@KateFriedmanSiegel: You can forgive him, but you definitely shouldn’t trust him or continue dating him IMO. This isn’t even like a one time thing that was clearly a huge anomaly with an otherwise decent guy – he cheated on his ex with you, he cheated on you with his ex, and he’ll cheat on the next girl unfortunate enough to meet him with someone else. 

@CrazyJewishMom:  He can say whatever he wants and whatever sounds good, but look at what he’s done. You can’t trust someone like that.

@KateFriedmanSiegel:  Yeah, cut your losses (again, not his balls off), and find someone who isn’t a lying cheater.

@CrazyJewishMom:  And get tested.

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