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Ask Mom & Spawn: (Trigger Warning)My Dad’s 45-year-old Friend Hit on Me

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My dad’s friend asked me to do “soft porn”

“One of our family friends that we’ve known for 8 years asked me to meet him alone for lunch. The way he asked me was super sketchy, so I didn’t feel comfortable going. But I was like ‘hey I’ve known him for so long what could go wrong?’ So, I go and he asks me to get in his car and we drive to Starbucks. He is 45-years-old and I’m 22. He sits me down and asks me if I would do “soft porn” with him. He would ask me questions and I would answer them, and only my shoulders and up will be showing. I really didn’t feel comfortable being there, and I told him that, but he told me to keep an open mind and hear him out. Then, he started asking me all these private sexual questions that I really did not want to answer. But I was in his car so I literally had nowhere else to go, so I just lied and got on with it. Then he started to tell me to pretend I was his girlfriend and started saying scenarios, asking me ‘what would you like for me to do to you,’ and I felt really uncomfortable at that point. He said we would make a lot of money from making these videos and I just did not want to get into any of this. I told him no, but he won’t stop calling me, and it’s at a point where I had to block his number. I can’t even sleep at night anymore because all I can keep thinking is, ‘How can I trust any uncle now.’ Like even uncles that I would never think would do that. How do I know that they won’t do that shit to me? This has legit mentally scarred me, and idk how to not let it. It’s all I can think about right now, and it’s legit keeping me up at night! I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore, and I’m always gonna be skeptical of everyone’s motive. He had no right to say those things to me and I’m so angry. So. Fucking. Angry. Almost to point where I feel sorry for myself and I don’t even know why I feel sorry. I haven’t done anything wrong. Tell me if I’m over thinking this and shit because then maybe there is still some chance of keeping some of my sanity.” – Anjali

If you or someone you know has experienced unwanted sexual advances, please consult this website for resources.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: First, I want to say, thank you for sharing your story.

@CrazyJewishMom: I’m so sorry this happened to you.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Reading this makes me angry too. And after a long week of the Harvey Weinstein revelations, the level of anger I’m experiencing is probably not physically safe for my health.

@CrazyJewishMom: I cannot believe it’s 2017, and young women are still experiencing this crap.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I don’t have the words to comfort you, because if I tell you it’s going to be fine, I would be lying. This man is a sick, predatory, piece of shit, but this probably isn’t the last time you’re going to experience harassment. I have, and unfortunately, I cannot think of a single female friend who hasn’t been on the receiving end of some kind of sexually abusive bullshit.

@CrazyJewishMom: I certainly have too. In my career, I faced many episodes of this in Hollywood. And early in my career and for so many young women there is/was no practical recourse. It’s easy to tell someone to speak out, but it’s a lot harder when you’re a young woman facing a panel of male executives and the prospect of unemployment. Women need to support each other, and we need more women in positions of power. But this was decades ago! How in the world are men still getting away with this shit?

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Anjali, to say what you experienced is abusive and wrong doesn’t feel like enough, when there are probably men who might read your story and think – well so what? It’s not like anything actually happened! To me, the real problem here, and the problem that is so core to what Harvey Weinstein has done too, is the abuse of a power imbalance that my mom was getting at and a culture that doesn’t see that abuse as problematic. This man understands his role in your life, and he is knowingly inflicting emotional torture. He knows that he’s tearing you away from your family with a secret, and that in itself is abusive. Whether in the personal or professional sphere, this kind of emotional and sexual extortion is far too common. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this.

@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, this is a serious situation, and I think you should talk to a therapist.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, my gut is to tell you to talk to your dad too, but I’m not qualified to tell you what to do in a situation this serious. I’ve linked a website with resources that might be helpful here, and I encourage you to seek professional help.

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