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Ask Mom & Spawn: I’m Polyamorous and My Boyfriend HATES It!!

polyamorous

I’m polyamorous. He’s not. Now what?

“Hey guys, my boyfriend and I have lived together for well over a year. We were talking about getting engaged, and everything was perfect. Then, an issue that kills all my relationships popped up again. I’m polyamorous. He’s not. Now, on our first date I told him I didn’t want to be serious because this is how I am, and that I won’t change it for him. Now that it’s actually brought to his attention, he says he hadn’t understood what I meant. We do so much for and with each other, we’re very much a team. However we know that if we can’t find a way to make this work, we may have to break up before it causes much more pain. So, please, if you guys can think of a good compromise that may work for us, I’d love to hear it. I’m almost at my wit’s end.” – Jasmine

@CrazyJewishMom: “Didn’t understand” my ass! Bullshit! At first, he thought it was sexy that you’re polyamorous and was hoping to get a threesome out of it, but now you’re serious and he wants you all to himself. 

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, it does seem a little hard to believe that you could be living together for a year, and he’s just now figuring this out about something core to your identity. Also, you told him about it day on

@CrazyJewishMom: : Listen, I get it from his side! If I were a sperminator, I wouldn’t want my Baby Cannon Queen to sample any other manmeat. Why don’t you date someone who is polyamorous too??? Why go for someone who wants monogamy??

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Regardless of how you got here, it sounds like he’s pretty set on being the sole occupant of vag town. It also sounds like you care about this person deeply, and that he has become an important part of your life. Perhaps you could encourage him to give polyamory a try and start another relationship to see if it’s something he might enjoy? So much of how we pursue relationships is shaped by societal expectations, so maybe if he tried having two meaningful relationships at once and not automatically equating multiple partners with cheating and being a violation of trust, he would be more open. I think people are conditioned to have that knee jerk reaction, so maybe if he actually tried it he would see things differently.

@CrazyJewishMom: Oh please, do you want to marry the guy or not? You can’t have it both ways. THIS manmeat comes with commitment, so you have to make up your mind. But you can say goodbye to him and hello to lots of different penises. The choice is yours, not his. Make up your mind.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: If it’s ultimately not something he also wants to do, and you can’t imagine a monogamous commitment with him, it might be best to say goodbye.

 

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