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Ask Mom & Spawn: Help! I love My Boyfriend … And the ‘One Who Got Away’!

one who got away

She’s in love with her boyfriend … and her best friend of 10 years a.k.a the “one who got away.” What should she do?

“Please, please, please keep me anonymous. I don’t know what to do, and I hope mom and spawn might have some advice. I’ve got a wonderful guy, we’ve been dating for 4 years, and we talk about marriage and babies. We’ve even named our kids, and I know he wants to propose in the next few months. I love him so much. I know we would have a wonderful life. The problem is, there’s this one ‘guy who got away.’ With this other guy, we’ve been friends since our freshman year of college and we’ve been close for over 10 years. He was dating someone in school, and the timing has never lined up even though we hooked up once when we were both single on New Year’s Eve years ago. At the time, he didn’t want to do distance and it didn’t go anywhere because we were in different cities. We’ve been talking lately and he basically told me ‘let’s do it. I want to be with you for real.’ I love my boyfriend and could easily spend my life with him, but on the other side of things, will I always wonder what if? What do I do?” – Anonymous

@CrazyJewishMom: Your old college friend sounds like a player. Fuckboys are for fucking. Not for marrying.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: OKAY THEN! Also, I would argue that fuckboys are for staying the fuck away from, but potato potato.

@CrazyJewishMom: Listen, this guy had ten years to be with you. He didn’t make a move! And not wanting to do long distance is complete bullshit. A man would literally walk across a flaming bed of coals while balancing a tub of rotten camel puke on his head to get a woman he wants. You have to look at his actions.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I don’t necessarily think he’s a fuckboy, but I also have to ask why now? He’s telling you everything you want to hear, but where was he for the last ten years?

@CrazyJewishMom:  I’ll tell you why now, he sees that you’re happy and he wants what he can’t have.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: At the same time, we don’t know the nuances of your dynamic with the guy(s), so it’s hard to really know what’s best for you. Maybe you and this guy from college are truly Ross and Rachel or Jim and Pam! BUT … there’s TV and then there’s reality. Before you do anything rash, make sure you’re not throwing away a wonderful life for a fantasy. It’s really easy to look at something new and untested and be excited by it, but you’ve been through four years of real life (stress, storms, open door pooping, etc), with a man you still love and want to be with. That’s not something to throw away lightly.

@CrazyJewishMom: Please do not toss a grenade on your happy life with your boyfriend for a bad boy who will rip your heart out two months from now.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Also, another small point: Why are you having romantic conversations with this guy? Not to be harsh, but imagine being on the other side of that. It seems like these conversations shouldn’t have gotten this far.

@CrazyJewishMom: Delete his number, and take him off your Facebook.

 

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