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Ask Mom & Spawn: Help! I Want to F**k My Old Gym Teacher … But He’s Engaged!

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She recently got back in touch with her old high school gym teacher, who she had a massive crush on, but he’s engaged … and still texting her nudes. What should she do?

“I’ve had a massive crush on one of my old high school teachers since he started working there … I left seven and a half years ago and recently got in touch with him. We were texting for a few days, then grabbed a coffee together and just talked about general stuff and filled each other in on our lives. In the texts before the coffee, we flirted a lot, but coffee was just casual and then it went dead for a week. Then we started talking again and this time things got really intimate over messaging. We’ve exchanged ‘pictures’ because this is just a bit of fun, and we’ve even talked about meeting up to follow through with our intimate conversations. My issue is, he’s engaged. He’s with her because of the whole “mortgage commitment, etc,” but he doesn’t ever have anything nice to say about her, so I’m wondering whether to go through with it and try and get him to see that he shouldn’t be with her, or if I should just walk away. I’ve never been THAT girl to get involved with an unavailable guy, but I’ve been crushing on him for 10 years, and now I’m starting to develop feelings for him. It would be amazing if I could get some advice! x” -Anonymous

@CrazyJewishMom: Earth to teacher’s pet, he is not engaged to his fiancé because of a mortgage. HE IS ENGAGED, BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MARRY HER. Wake up and smell your common-sense killing hormones! You are the side piece. RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, honestly? This guy sounds like a really terrible person. Think about it for a second, and try to be objective. The facts are this: An engaged man is sending dick pics to someone who isn’t his fiancé and compounding that insult by talking shit about his partner to his emotional mistress. If you weren’t in the middle of this situation, can you honestly tell me you’d think he’s a good guy?

@CrazyJewishMom: You and the fiancé should band together and burn this loser’s house down!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Definitely don’t do that, but I’ll make a slightly more nuanced point here. I never think knowingly being the other woman is a good look (ovaries before brovaries), but let’s put that aside for a second. If you were just going into this affair with the intention of scratching a ten-year-old itch and knocking something wild and sexy off your bucket list, I could at least understand that. Again, I’d still object, because even though the cheater is ultimately responsible … #GirlCode. But from what you’ve written us, it sounds like you’re going into it with the idea that you genuinely want to be with this person. Think about it; let’s say you break them up and the two of you start having steamy, locker room, fantasy sex and then even start dating … what’s to stop him from cheating on you a few months down the line? How can you ever trust someone who cheated on his fiancé with you? You’ll tell yourself that it’s different and rationalize that he only cheated because the connection you two share is so strong, but trust me, it’s never different.

@CrazyJewishMom: Listen honey, just go hang out at a high school and find a SINGLE teacher to hump. Hell, hump 10 teachers! Hump them up against a chalkboard, in the gym, in the principal’s office! Get it out of your system, just not with the engaged manmeat.

@KateFriedmanSiegel:  And on an admittedly annoying and preachy note: please please please don’t send people naked photos of yourself!! I know I sound like an 800 year old grandma, sipping warm milk with her bloomers in a bunch, but it is so incredibly dangerous. Once someone has that, no matter how much you trust them in the moment, that photo could literally end up anywhere. And in some cases, in the hands of your future employer! Or worse.

@CrazyJewishMom: Move on, there are plenty of teacher-sperminators in the sea!

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