Anonymous recently found out that her loving boyfriend of 4 years has a secret 3-year-old love child that he’s been lying to her about! What should she do?
“I just found out my boyfriend of four years has a three-year-old daughter. I know I’m not supposed to read his emails and it’s not fair to do that, but I don’t know, gmail was open on his laptop, and I looked. There was an email from a woman about arranging a time for his “monthly parental visitation.” He has a three year old daughter that he never told me about, and I don’t know what to do. After I saw that, I went further in his email, and apparently he’s been paying child support for years, and even had to go to court because for a while he wasn’t paying anything at all. By the way, he told me he had a work trip when he had to go into court for that. I don’t know what to do. I love him, and I knew he cheated on me with this woman back then, and I forgave him, because he was drunk and it was a one night stand. We’ve been so happy. We live together now, and we have a dog, and I know he’s looking for an engagement ring. I haven’t even told him that I know yet. On one hand, the cheating was a long time ago, but how can I forgive him for lying to me about this?” – Anonymous
@CrazyJewishMom: : I’m so sorry, honey. This is awful and so unfair. AFTER you punch him in the balls, you need to sit down, tell him you know his secret, and ask him to explain himself. He may be terrified to tell you the truth, but he can’t keep secrets like this from you. You have to talk to him and see what he says.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Oh wow, I don’t agree at all. Trust is a fundamental, crucial part of a relationship. I really can’t overstate how important it is to have that, and I think it will be extremely difficult for you to trust this man ever again, no matter what excuses he tells you now. Think about it. Every single time he went out to visit his daughter, he lied to you. Every email he sent this woman about child support, was a violation of your trust. Every time he went to court, he wasn’t being honest. And we’re not talking about a single act of dishonesty here, we’re talking about three years of non-stop lies. Lying by omission is still a lie. How will you ever believe him?
@CrazyJewishMom: I agree that it’s not okay to lie, but I think you need to give him a chance to explain. If it was honestly just one mistake that you’ve already forgiven him for, and he has been faithful since that one incident, he obviously cares about you. He has probably been scared out of his mind trying to figure out a way to tell you without losing you.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Oh yeah? What was the plan? Making his daughter the surprise, guest flower girl at your wedding? Come on! And how the hell do we know he’s been faithful? Clearly, a man who is capable of hiding a TODDLER is a good liar. And I can MAYBE understand him being overwhelmed at first, but he has had three years to come clean. That is insane.
@CrazyJewishMom: Listen, I’m not saying you should stay with him. And if he is lying about other things, you should chop his filthy testicles off and grind them up in a vitamix. All I’m saying is that if all this lying comes from a place of fear and love and is all the result of one admittedly disgusting indiscretion, it makes sense to think it through.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, my mother and I clearly disagree. If I were in your shoes, I would never be able to trust him again. I would be looking over his shoulder for the rest of my life. And one more thought, I get that you have a place together and are building a life, so it probably feels overwhelming to think about disentangling all that, but that SHOULD NOT dictate whether or not you stay with this guy. All of those details can be worked out, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to extricate yourself now than it will be ten years down the road and two kids later.
@CrazyJewishMom: Hang in there, honey. And if you do dump him. Call me! I have some fabulous sperminators on stand by.
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