Help, I cheated, and I’m wracked with guilt!
“Hello you two! I am dealing with a crooked conscience here. 6 months into my relationship with my boyfriend, when things were casual between us, I had a one-night stand on a trip abroad. I didn’t think much about it then, because we had just started and I didn’t even know if I loved him. Now, two years later, the love grew, and I know for sure I’m with the love of my life and the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Now I feel really bad about cheating on him. He’s always had trust issues because of an evil ex, and I’ve felt worse since he opened up to me about that. I’m sure he won’t ever be able to trust me the way he did before. Should I just tell him and clear my conscience or live with it as some sort of punishment?” -Anne
@CrazyJewishMom: Anne, you take it to your grave! All telling him will do is make him feel like shit and ruin your life. You love him. Look to your future together and forget the past.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I don’t know, this is tricky.
@CrazyJewishMom: Well, I do. You don’t tell him. It’s selfish. He already has trust issues, and telling him is only going to hurt him and screw up your relationship. You made a one-time mistake. It’s not as though you had a wild, ongoing affair with secret texts and sneaking around and lying. You had a one night stand with a guy when things with your boyfriend were casual, SO MOVE ON AND GET SERIOUS NOW.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Actually, that’s an interesting point, if it truly was more casual at that point in your relationship, you shouldn’t beat yourself up too much. Quick feminist rant: it makes no sense that dudes can go out and get laid in the context of a casual, open relationship, when women are slutshamed for the exact same actions. Point is, if things earlier in your relationship were actually more open and casual, and it only feels like cheating looking back now because you love him, you have nothing to be ashamed about at all.
@CrazyJewishMom: If it wasn’t actually cheating, that’s even MORE of a reason to keep quiet. Why introduce doubt? You know how you feel about him now, and that’s what matters. Go be happy with the man you love, and don’t ruin it with this.
Want more advice from @CrazyJewishMom & Spawn? Listen to our podcast here, and tune in every week Sunday at 5 PM ET on the @AskMomAndSpawn Instagram page for our live advice/ podcast recording sessions! We might just answer your question live!
You can also submit your questions below for the advice column! AND follow us:
For qualified advice, please visit this website for resources.