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Ask Mom & Spawn: Help! My Mom Wants Her Boyfriend at My Wedding, But My Fiancé HATES Him!

Who knew wedding planning would be so dramatic?

“My dad passed away about 3 years ago, and prior to that, I always imagined the perfect wedding, like every little girl does. But in that vision, my dad was always there walking me down the aisle and being the life of the party. However, since his passing and since finding a guy who I love beyond measure, the whole “big wedding” thing just doesn’t sound as appetizing as it once did. My fiancé and I have decided to do a quiet little courthouse ceremony with just his immediate family and my mom. NOW FOR THE PROBLEM, my parents divorced when I was five. My mom has a boyfriend who she has been with for about three years. We live in separate states, so I have only met him three times. I know they are close and all that, BUT for one day, I just want my mom. I asked her to fly to my state for the wedding WITHOUT her boyfriend, and all hell broke loose. She accused me of trying to break them up because obviously this would destroy her relationship and hurt his feelings beyond repair. I told her that it just doesn’t feel right to have another person there when my dad can’t be there. I’m not saying that he is trying to replace my dad in any way, it just doesn’t feel right. Am I being a little selfish? Maybe…but aren’t I allowed to for one day in my entire life. My mom is my best friend and even went as far as saying that I must not want her there if her boyfriend can’t come. I just feel like she is being a little dramatic about the whole thing and stressing me out. It makes me just want to run away with my fiancé and just have the two of us there, which isn’t fair to either of our families. In addition to all that, my fiancé and my mom’s boyfriend do not get along, so either way I’m going to piss someone off. HELP!” – Samantha

@KateFriedmanSiegel: First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Second, I feel you, girl. Wedding planning, for me so far, is just one giant exercise in avoiding your family’s emotional landmines.

@CrazyJewishMom: That’s hilarious coming from the girl WHO REFUSES TO EVEN SET A DATE. Maybe I should just throw you a surprise wedding so you have to get married.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope! Samantha, I honestly think that no matter how large or small a person’s wedding is going to be, at some point in planning, you will inevitably fantasize about eloping. For me, it was day one of the engagement.

@CrazyJewishMom: You do that, and I kill you.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I can totally understand wanting to have an intimate ceremony with just immediate family in light of your father’s passing (and in general!). And I agree – it is absolutely your day, and you should be surrounded by only the people you want to be with in that moment. Unfortunately, that is just never, EVER the way it ends up working out, unless you do actually elope. Managing family drama for an event as emotionally charged as a wedding is like trying to herd a pack of dramatic sheep with grass allergies. (Sheep eat grass, right?)

@CrazyJewishMom: Listen, Samantha, I’m sorry you lost your dad. It’s heartbreaking. But you need to ovary up and let your mom bring the boyfriend. I mean, if he’s not a serial killer, what’s the big deal? Make your Mother happy.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: So again, I completely understand where you’re coming from, but I have to agree with my mom. It’s frustrating that she’s being dramatic about it, but she’s your mom, and in your own words, your “best friend.” At the end of the day, you love her, and you want her to be there and to be happy. It sounds like being the bigger person and extending the invitation is the easiest way to accomplish that and keep the peace.

@CrazyJewishMom: What’s the problem here? BOO HOO, too many people love you and want to support you! Life is messy and short, and you need to let the small stuff slide. Grow up, and let him come. And tell your fiancé to man up and GET OVER IT! When you marry someone, you marry the whole family, so tell him to suck it up.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, maybe don’t say it like that.

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