Your mom is mad at you — the type of mad that haunts your nightmares. From the minute you sat down across from her at brunch and handed her the last-minute supermarket flowers you picked up on the way over, she’s been serving you some looks dirtier than your hair that you didn’t have time to wash. What exactly did you do to ruin this sacred day? What could you have possibly done this time? Well, just keep reading to find out, and maybe try to be a less crappy spawn in the future, okay?
1. You bought her red roses instead of yellow tulips.
Red roses are for romance, amour — NOT for the woman who pushed your pumpkin head out of her vagina for 12 hours so that you could ruin the one day meant for her and only her.
2. You didn’t notice her haircut.
The new bangs? Yeah. Those were for you, you ungrateful piece of garbage. And you didn’t even say anything about them! Disgraceful.
3. This restaurant is too loud.
Why are there so many people here? You should have picked somewhere more desolate, maybe in the middle of the desert? Why do you live in a crowded city, anyways? It’s so dirty.
4. The drive in took too long.
There was traffic and, make no mistake, that is your fault too.
5. Your father got her a gift that she doesn’t like.
He has no taste! You know that! Why didn’t you guide him in the right direction! It’s not like you’re busy with your life or anything.
6. There was a hair in her food.
Not your hair, but it might as well have been. Why are you like this?
7. They don’t serve tequila at brunch.
And why not? Because you’ve failed her.
8. You didn’t order a string quartet to play for her table side.
You know she likes to digest to Vivaldi. Why don’t you respect your elders?
9. You aren’t married with a child yet.
Just to spite her, of course.
10. You didn’t hug her hard enough when she left.
What the heck kind of weak embrace was that? She taught you better.
Okay, so maybe she’s not THAT pissed at you. Between all the nagging and the annoyance, you know your mom loves you more than anything and appreciates the effort you put into this day no matter how many times she had to send her food back. But you should probably start planning for next year soon. You have a LOT to make up for.