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Ask Mom & Spawn: I Caught My Husband of 13 Days Flirting With My Best Friends

Tegan recently got married … and then discovered that her husband was sending flirty messages on Instagram to her best friend a few years ago. What should she do?

“So, I’m 2.5 years into a relationship. Married in 13 days. I was scrolling through my husband’s messages in an attempt to find someone in particular to ask something and it went funny and put messages from 2012, 2013, & 2014 on the top of the list. I scrolled with 0 intention of snooping, but kind of couldn’t help it when I kept finding MY friends on his list. I’ve opened 4 of them to find he has clearly been flirting with them and some have retaliated back to him. Most of these were in 2013 and 2014…but I really can’t get it out of my head. I’ve never heard once that he used to like these women. And tbh was desperate. But that was ages ago. I want to just forget but can’t. What would you do? Do I say something? Because to be honest, I feel a tad betrayed by both him and my friends. Or do I just ignore it, because it’s before we even knew each other?” – Tegan

@CrazyJewishMom: YOU IGNORE IT. What planet are you on to even be asking this? It happened BEFORE YOU MET.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I don’t totally agree.

@CrazyJewishMom: Oh come ON! It’s ancient history. Tegan, listen to me. All you’re going to do if you bring this up is start unnecessary drama with your girlfriends and ruin the honeymoon phase with your husband. You just got married, enjoy yourself! Go have sex. Stop reading this right now, and make the most of this wonderful time in your relationship, before you have a screaming, pooping baby to clitblock you.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Alrighty then. I don’t know – I can totally understand why you would feel weird about this, Tegan. It’s ultimately not a huge deal, and if your husband or your friends had made a joke about it when you first started dating, none of this would be happening. I completely get why finding something like this makes it seem like everyone was keeping a secret, and I think I would be uncomfortable too.

@CrazyJewishMom: That’s total crap. Again, This happened BEFORE YOU MET HIM. Think about it from their perspective. For the husband, there’s no way to tell your new girlfriend that you accidentally flirted with her best friend before they met and not risk totally derailing the relationship for absolutely nothing. And from the best friends’ side, they were being good friends! Telling you about a few flirty texts would have just made you feel weird about the whole thing and turn you off to a guy they probably realized could be good for you. It’s nothing! It’s a few silly texts. Get over it. Do some Yoga, go to Soul Cycle. DO SOME KEGELS. But keep your mouth shut about this!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, it’s a reasonable point that your now husband and best friends were in an awkward position at the time, but I still think it could have been addressed in a way that wouldn’t have ruined things. That said, it’s not as though you found an ongoing relationship behind your back – you found evidence of your friends and partner flirting as single people and then maintaining a respectful distance after you started dating. Again, they didn’t handle it perfectly, but I suppose you could give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

@CrazyJewishMom: What are you still doing reading this?? Go have newlywed sex!!

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