Trigger Warning: The subject matter contained in this advice column deals with underage sexual abuse.
“Hey mom and spawn. I come from a very conservative, orthodox family from India. When I was 14, I developed a crush on my dad’s friend who was a total hunk and didn’t look his age at all. I playfully told him about that crush on facebook and, to my surprise, he reciprocated my feeling. My star-crossed 14-year-old self continued talking to him for two more years, and then the relationship became physical. One year after, I realized what I was doing and how stupid I was, considering he was married and an absolute pedophile, and I ended things. Now, five years later, I’m in a good position in life and soon to be married. He is blackmailing me with the texts and pictures from back then. My husband-to-be already knows, and I am not afraid of the threat. I just want to break it to my parents myself, before they hear it from someone else. How do I tell them about this without absolutely crushing them?” – Incredibly Strong, Badass Woman
@KateFriedmanSiegel: First, I want to just say that this young woman wrote in under the pseudonym ‘stupid girl’ which, in my opinion, does not accurately capture her bravery, strength, and fortitude. So, I changed her pen name to something that more aptly describes her.
@CrazyJewishMom: YOU are not the stupid one here. The cowardly disgusting prick who abused you is quite literally the STUPID one. Think about it for a second; he is SENDING you digital evidence of the sick, pedo crimes he committed against you.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I was going to say…the first thing you should do is contact a lawyer, because last time I checked…blackmail is A CRIME! And my mom makes another really good point about the idea that the texts and pictures could serve as proof of the underlying sexual crimes. At the VERY least, it’s a possession and distribution of child pornography charge waiting to happen. Again, neither of us are lawyers, but this piece of shit deserves to be crushed if it’s at all possible.
@CrazyJewishMom: Crushed? You know what he deserves? He deserves to be hung from a billboard in Times Square with a blank canvas below him. Then, he should be publicly castrated and the blood from his filthy former dick should spill out onto that canvas, and the bloody art that results should be permanently displayed on a billboard to warn other pedophiles.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, or you could just call a lawyer.
@CrazyJewishMom: You need to call Gloria Allred right this second.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: That said, I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing on the legal front, but at the same time, my understanding is that pedophiles tend to be repeat offenders. I will admit that the basis of my understanding for that is 99.99% based on episodes of Law & Order: SVU, but it might make sense to report him to authorities, even if you don’t want to pursue criminal or civil legal action.
@CrazyJewishMom: You asked about how to break it to your parents without crushing them? Please listen to me on this. As a mom, I can promise you will not crush them. They love you, and they will support you. Predators like this human bag of flaming diarrhea prey on the exact fear you have about disappointing and upsetting them. I promise you they will be glad that you told them, and they will see this for exactly what it is. And just to be completely clear about what this is and is not: It’s a disgusting predator committing a heinous physical and psychological crime against a child, and it is not, something that is in any way your fault.
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