Emily caught her boyfriend sexting the girl he cheated on his last girlfriend with. What should she do?
“Hi Mom and Spawn! I’ve been with my boyfriend for close to 3.5 years, and we’ve been living together for 2.5 of those years. First, I want to say I know I shouldn’t have been snooping in his stuff in the first place. I feel guilty about it. However, I found some flirty messages that generally a guy in a relationship shouldn’t be having. Some of the DMs were from last week, between him and a girl who he had a thing with before we met. We were very upfront about our pasts when we started dating, so I know besides hooking up with this girl when he was single, he also cheated on his ex-girlfriend with her. The girl in his DMs has reached out to him before since we’ve been together, but he always would mention it to me/ignore it. I don’t know what I should do. On the one hand, I shouldn’t have been snooping, therefore it’s my own fault. And on the other, I obviously found something which is a stark contrast to how a situation like this used to be handled. Any advice on how to proceed?” -Emily.
@CrazyJewishMom: Yes, you cut his cheating little dick into slices, and feed it through a paper shredder.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: First, no. But aggravated assault concerns aside, why ruin a perfectly good piece of office equipment?
@CrazyJewishMom: Okay, fine. Feed it to a cow, collect the manure, and use it to fertilize a crop of poison ivy that you plant all over his lawn.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Still a big no.
@CrazyJewishMom: You want real advice? Go to couples therapy. Trust me on this one Emily…once a cheater, always a cheater. Look at the facts: even though he hasn’t actually cheated on you yet (as far as you know, HINT: get tested!!!!), this guy is flirting with multiple women, including one who he has already slept with and cheated on another girlfriend with in the past. It’s not headed in an innocent direction.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: That’s probably fair, and also, not to pile on, but what sucks about cheating is never the sex, it’s the lies and the betrayal of trust. Maybe he hasn’t crossed the physical line yet, but make no mistake, the flirting in itself is a violation of your trust.
@CrazyJewishMom: You need to figure this out right now. You don’t want to find yourself ten more years down the road with a couple of kids and realize this guy is having an affair. I know it feels like you have a lot invested in the relationship already, and it’s easy to rationalize it, because hasn’t actually stuck his little weiner in anyone else yet, but trust me…you need to figure if you’ll be able to trust him now.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I agree that therapy is a good idea, and as for how to start the conversation, I don’t think you need to feel weird about what you found and how you found it. The entire point of a relationship is trust, so I think you just tell him the truth and explain that you want to see a therapist to discuss this violation of your trust. HE is the one who messed up; this isn’t in any way your fault, and you shouldn’t let him turn it around on you – you obviously felt the need to snoop for a reason.
@CrazyJewishMom: Try to work it out in therapy, but Emily, hear me when I say this: No matter how messy moving out feels or how intimidating being single again seems, those are not reasons to be with someone you can’t trust. Don’t stay with someone out of fear of the unknown, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder.
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