Bianca wrote in because her coworker is extremely good-looking and wants to hook up, but she doesn’t want to jeopardize her job and career. What should she do?
“Dear Mom & Spawn, I started a new job almost a month ago, and I’m the only woman. I work in a very male dominated field and, specifically at this job, there are no other women. Some of the guys have made jokes about me and one of the guys I work closest with hooking up, but we’re not, so it wasn’t a big deal and we would laugh about it. Until now. Last night, he very clearly explained he does want to hook up. I was drunk when he told me this…and I didn’t tell him no. He’s annoyingly sexy, but I feel like sleeping with a coworker is a bad idea. We’re both at this job through October, and I don’t want things to be awkward for five more months, but I don’t know how to explain I can’t sleep with him, even though I really want to! Help!” – Bianca
@CrazyJewishMom: Bianca, you don’t get your meat where you get your bread and butter. I know you want me to tell you to fuck his brains out now and ask questions later, but it would be terrible for you to do that.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I agree. In this case, you need to keep your vag in your pants. To your question about how to break it to him, I don’t think you need to explain anything; you just need to not have sex with him.
@CrazyJewishMom: And for the love of god, don’t get drunk with him! Too much temptation! Always remember: career first, penis second! And alcohol is dangerous!! Look at the Harvard Medical study on the alcohol-breast cancer link!!!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Oh my god, stick to the question she asked. If I hear one more word about that damn alcohol study, I’m going to murder you.
@CrazyJewishMom: Well, I’m right.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: The alcohol question is a good point though, because some offices have a culture where after work drinks are more than just fun, social gatherings and are actually opportunities for career advancement. So, if you find yourself in a tipsy situation again and he brings it up, you could basically say what you’ve said here. Something like, “Listen, I think you’re fantastic and cute, but I just don’t date people I work with.”
@CrazyJewishMom: And if you feel tempted by this sexy slab of manmeat, imagine accurately picturing his penis every time you see his face or hear his name in the office….for the next five months.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Also, you already know you work in a gossipy, boys’ club. Imagine if the (wildly inappropriate) jokes your other colleagues made about the two of you hooking up were actually true, and then think about how uncomfortable that would be. I believe that every woman can and should have sex with whoever, whenever, she wants and never be shamed for it. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world, and based on the workplace culture you’re describing, it seems likely that your sex life would be a topic of conversation with your colleagues if you were to start something with your hot coworker. Hell, it already is, and you haven’t even acted on anything! In my experience, offices with that kind of culture will celebrate their male colleague and denigrate their female coworker for the same behavior. It’s ugly.
@CrazyJewishMom: So, if you really want to sleep with this guy, I guess you’ll have to castrate the rest of the men in your office, so their testosterone addled brains will be capable of more than thinking about sex.
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