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#WhatTheHellHappened: To Dana, Whose Fiance Wanted To Live Together…But See Other People

For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Dana, whose story was the subject of one of our very first advice columns! Dana wrote @AskMomAndSpawn because her fiance wanted to have his cake and eat it too. And by cake, yes, we do mean Dana’s vagina. After being an absolute nightmare to be around, this epic fuckboi broke off his engagement to Dana and instead proposed that they keep living together — but start having sex with other people. In a shocking turn of events @CrazyJewishMom and spawn (me) agreed on something for once: Dana needed to get the hell out.

So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Dana’s original story, and an update from her below!

“Hi ladies! Without going into too much detail, the last year as been really tough on my fiance, and it really changed his attitude and behaviour. When we talked about it, he agreed that he needed to go to counseling and start focusing on getting back to the person he was. A couple of weeks ago, he broke off our engagement so he could “really focus on himself and being the man he was.” But he still says that he wants us to end up together, and right now we still live together. I’ve tried to tell him that if he wants time apart, we should take space and distance to see other people and try new things, but he seems to be in “limbo” where he doesn’t want the responsibility of being with me but he doesn’t want to lose me either. What do you think I should do? Wait for him to get his life back together, or date other people and see where things go?” – Dana

So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?

“Hi Kate! Lovely to hear from you. I still follow your account, (congratulations on your new fur babies and engagement, by the way), and I was genuinely grateful for someone giving me a little tough love when I needed it. My fiance and I called it off for good not long after I wrote to you. In the end it hurt him more than it hurt me – I knew it was ultimately the right choice in the long run, but he really believed that it was the situation that broke us up, and not our reactions to the situation and the ways we changed through what happened to him. We stay in touch a little, but that ship has definitely sailed. I’ve spent the last two years working on my masters degree (I should be finished at the end of the summer), and redefining myself and what I want out of life. I’ve fallen in love – twice, in fact – and am now exploring a very complex and deeply rewarding polyamorous relationship with a man so perfectly matched to who I am and what I want that I’m constantly amazed that he even exists. There are days that I miss the simplicity and predictability of the life I might have led had I gotten married and settled down as planned. And then I remember I wouldn’t have met the people that now make my life interesting and magical and complicated and crazy. And I know I made all the right decisions. Best wishes, Dana”

@CrazyJewishMom: Atta girl! CAREER FIRST, PENIS SECOND!!!!! Remember that, and get that degree!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, and I’m not AT ALL surprised to hear that he took it worse than you did. He totally deserved it for even suggesting seeing other people with the ultimate goal of being together…AFTER BREAKING OFF YOUR ENGAGEMENT. It’s madness.

@CrazyJewishMom: Dana, you dodged a bullet. I do hope you took my advice on the breakup and kept the apartment and dumped his clothes on the street where they belong.

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