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Ask Mom & Spawn: Should I Quit My Degree and Relocate for My Boyfriend?

Valarie wrote in because she’s not sure if she should finish getting her degree in NYC or move to Chicago to  to be with her boyfriend. What should she do?

“Hello! So, currently very lost. Just graduated from university and only got into one masters program which is in New York City… although an amazing place to be, it wasn’t where I wanted to be and isn’t where my boyfriend is either. I’m pretty unhappy here after two months, I’m losing weight, very anxious and stressed, and starting to lose my hair and school hasn’t even started yet. I had been under the impression I HAD to do this masters program and felt I had my back against the wall, so I HAD to move here even though I’m not completely sure I even want to do this program — it’s just my parents think I should. Now, I’m starting to realize I don’t HAVE to do anything. I could get a job in Chicago, where I wanted to be, where my friends and boyfriend are, and where I think I’d be happy… is it too quick to get up and leave? Is it bad if part of this move is just to be in proximity to my boyfriend if that’s what would make me happy? Is it dumb to turn down a great opportunity others may very much want, but I’m unsure of, just to spend a year or two working and figuring it out?” – Valarie aka “Very lost 22 year old”

@CrazyJewishMom: Valarie, I have to side with your parents. Education First, Penis Second.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I’m sorry that you’re unhappy and struggling, and I just want to say upfront: your feelings are completely normal. I would highly recommend talking to a therapist about all this – it can be so helpful! Leaving college is a major transition, and it’s completely natural to feel unsettled right now.

@CrazyJewishMom:  Yeah, which is why she needs to have some phone sex, plan a few trips to Chicago, and then focus on the opportunity she has in front of her.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: So, I don’t agree with your parents, and apparently with my mom, that there is one right way in which you “HAVE” to live your life. That said, I don’t think this is the moment for you to make such a major decision. As you mentioned, you have only been in the city for two months, and you haven’t even started the masters program. I think it’s completely valid to decide that another situation might make you happier and to then pursue that, but I don’t think you’ve given this path a fair shot.

@CrazyJewishMom: Enough with this. You’re 22. Is this man your soul mate? Has he proposed to you? Are you getting married? If not, you don’t move an inch for him. You admitted that the main reason you want to pack up your lady parts and ship them to Chicago is because your boyfriend is there. You also admitted that this masters program is a great opportunity for you. Life is long, and you should never ever turn down career or educational opportunities for a man. And guess what? A masters program is what…two years? If you’re that much in love with each other, two years of long distance is nothing.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I will agree on one point, I don’t think it’s wise to pass up on an opportunity you would otherwise pursue for an uncertain relationship. It’s reasonable to make a big decision that will impact your career as a family…if you’re actually a family that has committed to building a life together. I obviously don’t know your level of commitment with this man, but in my opinion, you should make this kind of major decision as an individual, until you are actually fully committed. Again, you might ultimately decide that you don’t want to pursue this program or be in New York, no matter how fantastic of an opportunity it is, even without the boyfriend factored in! You just don’t want to look back on a decision like this and be unsure. I just don’t think you’ve given it enough of a shot to know that yet.

@CrazyJewishMom: Therapy is wonderful. I go to therapy! My Spawn goes to therapy! It’s fabulous, and the anxiety you’re feeling might be easily treatable! I know it is in my spawn’s case, and trust me…she is a self proclaimed “walking, talking, panic attack.” Talk to a therapist about all this, and give yourself some time. Hell, I’ll show you a good time! I’m in the city every week! Email my spawn and I’ll show you some fun.

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