For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, I caught up with an anonymous young woman who wrote us because her boyfriend cheated on her. Multiple times. COOL. “Anonymous” decided to forgive him, but her “best friend” started constantly hanging out with…THE GIRLS WHO “ANONYMOUS’S” BOYFRIEND CHEATED WITH! My @CrazyJewishMom and I both had some strong feelings about what she should do about this “friend” of hers (feed her to literal sharks), but I also tried to give some practical advice about how to explain #GirlCode, in case “Anonymous” wasn’t ready to end the friendship.
“This may sound absurd, but I really don’t know how to communicate an issue I’m having to one of my best friends. She used to work abroad with my boyfriend, and while he was out there, he cheated on me (several times). I’ve forgiven my boyfriend and over time, I’ve begun to not think about the cheating EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY and we’re in a good place. The thought of not being with him hurt more than being with him and knowing what he’d done. However, my friend who was abroad with him is still friends with the girls. I know it takes two to tango, and I don’t want to cause trouble with anyone in the situation. But it just seems shitty that my friend will still give these girls the time of day knowing that they slept with my man, and pursued a man who they knew had a girlfriend at home. I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite when I’ve forgiven him, yet be mad at others but it’s hurting me. Every time I see a picture on her Instagram of her with them, I burst into tears as they’re a reminder of what he did. I know I’m taking him back I can’t punish him for life so I try not to bring it up to him.” – Anonymous
So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?
“Thank you so much for the advice from you and your lovely mum. I really did appreciate that you took the time to give me your thoughts and inspiring words.
I had a chat with my friend (I’m totally not a confrontational person- hence the issue had gone on so long), and it had a good and bad outcome.
The bad news is that the girl no longer wants to be friends with me. I guess this is also the good news.
She refused to see my point of view even when I stressed that I wasn’t blaming his actions on her or the other girls, just that I would expect my friend to have my back and be sensitive to my feelings. She said I was forcing her to choose between me and them and she wouldn’t do it, so I guess I never mattered much to her as a friend anyway. She made some digs about me being a doormat and taking back a cheat and that in doing so, I ‘deserve everything I get’. This truly hurt but also shocked me into realizing this was someone who didn’t give a shit about me or my feelings, even at my lowest point.
Good riddance to bad rubbish! I may have lost a ‘friend’ but actually I’ve just removed someone from my life who never cared or valued my time and efforts in the first place and I can concentrate on myself and my real friends. It’s a long road back to self confidence when you’ve been cheated on, but I’m getting there with amazingly supportive people around me and a boyfriend who I’m building trust with again, slowly but surely.”
@CrazyJewishMom: It sure does.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, cheating is so hard to get past, but i’m glad you’ve found a better group of friends to support you through it. Also, OMFG. This girl sounds like a sociopath! What a horrifying nasty thing to to say to anyone, let alone a friend.
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