It’s almost here. The day we celebrate the literal best baked good in all of existence: the bagel. For those of you who don’t know, July 26 is National Bagelfest Day. And that means that Jews and goyim alike are preparing hard to get in the spirit. Since the Jews brought bagels to America (you’re welcome), the bagel has been the centerpiece of any Jewish brunch, luncheon, family gathering, bris, you name it. They are revered — perhaps even worshipped — for their smooth yet chewy mouthfeel, and their ability to be piled upon with the greatest of toppings (but please for the love of G-d, no butter. Never butter). The bagel is the closest we will ever get to perfection on Earth, and we think #NationalBagelfestDay should be the most important Jewish (heck, just the most important) holiday. Here’s why:
1.Bagels are holy.
Literally. They’re hole-y. And if I’m using the English language correctly (and I know that I am), that is reason enough. Holiday = Hole-y-day = #NationalBagelfestDay. That’s just science.
2. We eat them on literally every major holiday.
Okay, not Passover, obviously. But ALMOST every Jewish holiday has some sort of bagel and lox situation. It’s only fair that we give as much as we take, you know?
3. They’re the perfect vehicle for just about anything.
Cream cheese? Yeah. Tuna salad? Oh yeah. Lox? Definitely. Turkey? Duh. What CAN’T you put on a bagel, honestly? Their versatility is worth being religiously observed.
4. There are different philosophies surrounding the best way to make them.
New York style, Montreal style, and Seattle style are basically the equivalent to Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox. All different in ideas and ideologies, but at the end of the day, they’re all celebrating the same thing.
5. They come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors.
Just like all of G-d’s children. From sesame to blueberry, there is a bagel out there for every set of taste buds. This is what G-d would want. She’s a foodie.
Until National Bagelfest Day gets the recognition it deserves, let’s continue to worship what deserves worshipping. Happy #NationalBagelfestDay to all!