“Confused” wrote in because her boyfriend of SEVEN YEARS was ready to look at engagement rings … but then changed his mind and thinks they are rushing into marriage!
“Hello Mom and Spawn! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years. We recently went to look at engagement rings (yay!) together and kind of get a feel of what I like. He said he was ready to go look and was the one who asked me. However, the other day, he told me he felt like we were rushing things and should slow down. I feel somewhat blindsided and confused. I’m not really sure what to do. Help!” -Confused
@CrazyJewishMom: Seven years and he feels rushed? This is what you do, you take all of his stuff, fold it, and neatly place it on the sidewalk with a note: sorry I didn’t have enough time to box all this…I was just feeling too rushed.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope nope nope. That is not an appropriate escalation.
@CrazyJewishMom: SEVEN. YEARS. Listen to me. In all seriousness, after seven years you know if you want to marry someone. You tell him you love him, but if he’s not ready to commit, you need to move on with your life, and then STOP seeing him. Stop texting him. No emails. No nothing. And if he doesn’t come back with rock, then better you find out now than in ten years.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Okay, so if you don’t care about marriage and are happy with your life together, than do you. However, it is concerning that he is feeling rushed, because it implies at least some level of uncertainty. If you were just a couple who didn’t believe in marriage, then that’s an entirely different thing, but based on your disappointment and just the idea that he was open to discussing the subject of marriage suggests to me that that isn’t what your dynamic is.
@CrazyJewishMom: And it’s so unfair that he took you diamond shopping! What a ring tease!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: At the end of the day, unfortunately I have agree with my mom that an ultimatum might be the right thing to do here. My mom has always given me a really good piece of advice that I think applies to your situation: “ultimately, people do what they want. You have to look at a person’s actions.” If you step away from him and he doesn’t come back to you and realize the loss, he doesn’t value you in the way you deserve. Before you cut the cord, you could have another conversation to understand more about what he’s feeling and where he’s coming from, but after seven years, he should know how he feels about you and be ready to commit. I waited a long time in my own relationship, but my partner and I were on the same page about where we were heading and our reasons for holding off on actually getting engaged. Talk to your boyfriend about it more, but life is short, and it’s never a good idea to waste time on someone who isn’t there for you in the way you are for them.
@CrazyJewishMom: Wait, I take it back. When you put his shit on the curb, don’t fold the clothes.
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