Karly wrote in because she’s engaged to her beau of six years, but now she’s questioning her relationship after meeting her “dream guy” while on a work trip. What should she do?
“I have been with a great guy for the last six years, a steady stable relationship. We got engaged last fall and we have been full blown wedding planning for months, until I had to travel for work. Here I met a guy who I had no idea was actually my ideal guy. While I’m not concerned about picking between two guys, I am concerned that this crush has made me realize that my fiancé is a great guy- but he’s rather boring and our sex life leaves me unfulfilled. I plan to talk to him about these issues (some of them for a second or third time) when I return from the work trip, but in the meantime I am left very confused. If my relationship with him doesn’t change, I can’t see the relationship lasting for many years now that I am painfully aware of just how complacent I had become in our relationship. Am I being swept up in a tropical fling or should I really be giving this marriage some serious thought before we continue ahead!” – Karly
@CrazyJewishMom: Karly, if you’re bored in the bedroom, you buy a sex toy, you don’t throw your life away for a little casual vacation sex.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: So, I hope you haven’t actually crossed the line with your crush, but if you’re thinking about it, a word of advice: DON’T. You have been with your fiance for six years. How long have you known the work trip guy, six minutes? It is incredibly easy to fill in the gaps you don’t know about this relative stranger with all positive attributes and fantasize out an ideal relationship. But it’s not real. Of course, someone you’ve known for six years, someone you’ve fought with, someone you’ve probably even allowed to look on as you tweeze ingrown armpit hairs (just me?), is going to feel less exciting than bantering with a mysterious new island man.
@CrazyJewishMom: Listen Karly, there are more things than sex to consider in a marriage. Trust me, it ebbs and flows. Can you see this man being the father of your children? Can you see growing old with him? Besides, hot beach sex is overrated. The sand gets everywhere. Everywhere.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, yeah I was going to say. I think it’s really important for you to not make any decisions based on a fantasy. Listen, maybe meeting this guy has been an eye-opening experience, but I want to urge you to not compare the two men in thinking about the future of your relationship. You’ve already said you aren’t thinking about choosing between these two men, which is WISE, but you really can’t even compare them! It would be like me trying to compare my fiance who I’ve been with for almost five years with Liam Hemsworth.
@CrazyJewishMom: Wait, Liam Hemsworth is an option!?!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Moving on. At the end of the day, you’ve invested a lot in this person, which, to be clear, does not mean you have to or should stay with him. However, I think the best place to figure out what you want to do is in couple’s therapy, not a tropical island.
Read Kate’s Book!
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