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Ask Mom & Spawn: Help! My Boyfriend Wants My Nudes, But I Don’t Want To Send Them

Ann wrote in because she met this hot French man while abroad, became official, and is now trying the long-distance thing. The only problem: He’s insistent on getting her nudes and she doesn’t feel comfortable sending intimate pics. What should she do?

“Hey mom and Kate! I studied abroad this last semester and during my exchange I met this hot French guy. We had an instant connection and he was everything I could’ve wanted, so against all odds we became official and are still together even though I’m back in America. I was skeptical about doing long distance but everything seemed to be working out fine for us, until recently. Because of the distance we obviously can’t be intimate anymore like we’d like to. So to fix that he asked for intimate pictures of me, and even though I trust him I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. At first he was fine when I said no but lately he’s been getting mad about it and it annoys me that he does that! I just don’t know what to do cause I wanna make him happy, but I don’t wanna put me down in the process because sending nudes makes me feel very insecure and paranoid that the wrong eyes will see them. Maybe long distance really doesn’t work? How do I reason with him, but also keep him happy? Is that even possible? Help!” – Ann

@CrazyJewishMom: Keep him happy? Ann, you keep your vaj zipped up in your pants and keep on moving to the next sperminator. One who understands that no means no. He wants to see you naked? Tell him to fly over and see it in person.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: ANN YOU ARE SO RIGHT, DON’T DOUBT YOUR CONVICTION ON THIS FOR A SECOND. Revenge porn is very real. No matter how much you trust your boyfriend in this moment, imagine if you were to break up. Would you be comfortable with an ex having possession of intimate images of you? Even assuming a best case scenario in which this guy is a prince…what happens if his phone gets hacked?

@CrazyJewishMom: And once your lady bits are out there…they’re in the Internet FOREVER.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: While my mom has no idea how the internet works, she is actually right about that one. I also want to say that I think the fact that he’s pressuring you is extremely uncool. He should respect your boundaries and definitely shouldn’t react with anger when you say no. Maybe he doesn’t understand how uncomfortable the idea makes you, and that’s why he keeps pushing it? If you think it would help you could try having a serious discussion about it. But don’t do it right after he’s asked you to send pictures again, you could bring up the topic independently and explain why you don’t want to send them (you can stroke his ego a little too i.e. “you’re a wonderful guy, and I know you wouldn’t do anything bad with the pictures, but what if you got hacked, or even if I got hacked and the images were on my phone!”) and ask him to respect your decision. That said, you don’t owe him an explanation, and he really shouldn’t be pushing you in the first place.

@CrazyJewishMom: I agree with my spawn. Ann, you asked “how do I reason with him?” You shouldn’t have to! Like I said before, if you say no…it means NO, not ‘ask me a million more times, get angry, and push me into doing something I don’t want to do.’ And distance isn’t the problem here. Distance is possible! I know from experience. You just have a lot of phone sex, and see each other as much as you can. He’s gotta let this go.

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