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Ask Mom & Spawn: I’ve Been With Only One Man, But I’m Not Sure If He’s the One!

Anonymous wrote in because she loves her boyfriend of 7 years, but isn’t sure if he’s actually the one for her — especially because she’s only slept with him and no one else.

“Hello ladies! So, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years. We’ve always chatted about getting married, and this year we tentatively set in place to get engaged by the end of this year. We are high school sweethearts and only broke up briefly once (still on and off that whole year). That year he did what he wanted and so did I (I met a wonderful guy who lived in Europe- so that ended), and it took us a long time to trust each other again. Somehow we got past that grey area, committed to each other and haven’t looked back. He treats me so amazingly, always tries his best for me and is very supportive. As we get closer to a lifelong commitment I can’t help but feel unsure… I feel like my attraction to him as significantly diminished. I have never slept with anyone else and can’t help but feel curious if I’m just not a sexual person or simply don’t want to have sex with him…I sometimes think of Europe guy (not too often anymore) I just don’t know if this is cold feet or a warning sign. I can’t talk to him about this, because he’ll take it personally (rightfully so) and probably restart our trust issues. What should I do?” -Anonymous

@CrazyJewishMom: Only one penis for your whole life?! Why didn’t you sleep with the European Sperminator when you had the chance?!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I have conflicting feelings on this one. It’s not clear how old you are, but based on the fact that you are high school sweethearts, it sounds like you guys might be very young. If that’s true, why rush into marriage? Give yourself some more time to figure out what you want.

@CrazyJewishMom: NO. She’s been with the guy for seven years. After seven years you know how you feel about someone. And wasting more time just closes her off to meeting new hunks of manmeat. Commit or get out.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I will say this. There is a LOT more than sex to a relationship, and sex ebbs and flows. It’s completely normal to have periods in your relationship that aren’t ripped from the pages of a steamy romance novel. Obviously chemistry is super important, but it’s natural to go through less sexy times with a partner. It’s not realistic to expect the ‘can’t leave the bedroom’ level of lust you feel at the beginning of a relationship to last forever, but there are certainly ways to spice things up and and a little heat (which might be good for you to try before throwing the towel in entirely). Your boyfriend sounds like a decent man and a supportive partner, and that’s a hugely important thing to factor into your thinking. When you have a baby screaming and puking all over you in the middle of the night, are you going to be thinking about how sexy you find  your partner or about how happy you are that he wiped the breastmilk off your neck and did the laundry while you put the baby back to sleep? You can definitely have both, but my point is that sex isn’t the only thing to consider. I don’t mean for this to sound condescending, but I just don’t want your lack of experience to make you squander something good in search of something unrealistic. All of that said, I’m not in your shoes (bedroom), so ultimately, only you can assess it.

@CrazyJewishMom: Enough! What my spawn is trying to tell you is that there’s no unicorn dick filled with cotton candy sperm out there! Don’t throw away a great guy for a fantasy! If you love him, stop doubting yourself, buy a few sex toys, and go be happy!

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