Is This Really a Thing?

We Wore Fake Nipples for a Day — Here’s What Happened.

Written by Danielle Elmers & Emery Schaffer 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have endlessly hard nipples? Nope. Neither had we. Not a single time. BUT, a very exciting opportunity presented itself to us, and we knew that this was our moment to be adventurous and do things for ~science~. When Kate came to us with JustNips: Look Cold, Feel Hot! stick-on nipples, we were like “What? That’s a thing?” Oh boy, they are. The task was simple: Wear the stick on nipples, also affectionately known as “the nips”, for a day or two in public as a kind of social experiment, and document the findings. Plus, since JustNips donates their product to breast cancer survivors and October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we thought this was a perfect way to combine research with the support of an amazing cause. This is our story (dun, dun).

Emery: The day we got them, I was having dinner with my mom and brother that night. So naturally, it was the perfect time to test out the nips.

Danielle: Meanwhile, my anxiety over having people stare at me in any capacity, either openly or covertly, shot way up.

Emery: Yeah, I was also pretty nervous about wearing them out. But despite my fear, I stuck them on and got dressed. I was really excited to see what these things looked like under my shirt, but when I looked in the mirror I couldn’t see them at all! Not a single suspiciously hard nipple to be found. This was for two reasons: 1.) Because I was wearing the smaller of the two sizes (these things come in SIZES, people) and 2.) I was wearing a patterned dress and a thicker bra. After a bra swap, they were finally visible and I was ready to take on this family dinner. I left my room and immediately showed my roommate what I was wearing. She laughed and said “they’re so small!”, which was obviously a huge blow to my confidence.

Danielle: Do you have a pic to share with the internet?

Emery: Do I ever.

Can you spot them?

Danielle: NICE! I don’t think anyone really noticed mine, but my internal monologue still didn’t let me rest. I even came up with a pro/con list of why I should and should not wear them. Pro: It’s for science. Con: It gives men a reason to stare at my boobs more than they already do (great). In the end, science won. But alas, the next morning, I woke up, brushed my teeth, ate a chocolate chip muffin, stuck my “freezing” a.k.a the bigger size nips on my real nips, put on a non-padded bra and a black t-shirt.

Emery: Woohoo!

Danielle: Unfortunately, the black t-shirt concealed them more than I thought (even though the side nip was definitely very apparent). Walking into the station, my metro card wouldn’t swipe (shout-out to the MTA!!) and I missed my train. A kind man helped me figure out why my card wouldn’t work, but part of me wondered if he helped me because he felt bad for my inadequate card swiping or because he spotted my new nipples and was like “wow, let me help the seemingly braless young woman because damn those nips!” It was probably the former, but we will never know will we?

Emery: We never will. Honestly, about halfway through eating ravioli with my mom and brother, I bursted out laughing because I suddenly remembered the rock hard secret lurking below my shirt. I ended up telling them about them. To which my mom asked “why?” (Because SCIENCE, mom. Please get with the program.) My brother suggested that I wear them on the outside of my shirt so that more people notice them. To that, I say thank you, Drew, for that completely useless suggestion. This is a serious research assignment, and I don’t know why you would suggest something so ridiculous.

Danielle: Dammit, Drew. This is no time to joke around! But yeah, same. Maybe it was the simultaneously sluggish and hectic morning commute that stopped people from staring, or maybe people were just too busy cursing the MTA yet again for crawling trains and overall terrible service, but no one commented on my appearance. The only person I believe noticed was a disapproving older lady who shook her head as I sat down, but then again maybe she just disapproved of me as a whole, or maybe she saw a humongous rat eating a whole wheel of cheese at the last stop. It’s okay, lady, I feel the same way. It wasn’t until I changed into a different shirt and bra, and made my way to my dance class that I felt like everyone was staring (probably because everything was lopsided oops).

New shirt, new bra, and the only time you have permission to stare.

Emery: Can’t have that. Mine also got lopsided somewhere down the line, but the only one who noticed was me. In fact, I’m the only one who noticed them that day at all. After dinner was over, I went to a ~hip~ Brooklyn party with my friends, and none of them said anything. I was mad at first, but then I was comforted by the fact that none of my friends were staring at my boobs because they are respectful people. Thanks, guys. And also, well done me on impeccable friend selection skills.

Danielle: Aww I love friends who let you live!! Same here. While no one said anything and the nips themselves were super comfortable, they kept staring back at me, mocking my every move. Let’s just say that trying to concentrate on your dance teacher while you’re too busy checking yourself out in the mirror is not advisable. If my friends noticed my second pair of eyes, they were nice enough to stay silent on the matter.

Emery: Did you wear them a second time? I ended up wearing them again a few days later (a different pair though, the bigger ones) on NJ Transit.

Danielle: That must’ve been fun. I decided to save my last pair of nips for my younger sister’s soccer game and all the uptight soccer parents. BUT I forgot to put the plastic nips in my bag, so unfortunately, I didn’t get to showcase my effortless “natural boob” look at a high school soccer game and this definitely led my sister’s team to lose because I couldn’t distract the other players and their coaches with my in-your-face nips. I’m sorry my nips let down the team.

Emery: NOOOO! A tragedy!

Danielle: Honestly. But, how did your nips fare on the perils of public transportation?

Emery: I mean, I had a great time. This time I decided to be bolder and wore a white shirt. And let me tell you, the nips were OUT — like really out there, very visible. But while I got some stares, nobody said anything. What the hell pervy, strange men? Why is it the one and only time I have ever or will ever try to get a reaction from you, you don’t deliver? USELESS.

But I digress. All in all, I’m pretty bummed nobody said anything about them the second time around, mostly because I felt…confident? Wearing them?

Danielle: Seriously? I’m pretty sure I used my arms as a shield for most of the day.

Emery: I know, even I’m a little confused about it. In contrast to the first time, wearing the nips was exciting. It was almost like, “yeah, my nipples are aggressive, BUT I’m living. What’s it to you?” I guess it will always be my dirty, little secret *cue All-American Rejects.*

Danielle: I guess, overall, fake nips weren’t as weird as I thought it would be, too. Okay, it was a little weird when putting them on and taking them off, especially when your roommate questions why you are playing with your boobs so much (Hop off, Rebecca). Now, while I don’t think I would rock them on a day-to-day basis, I would totally wear them to a trendy music festival or a hipster, Brooklyn party.

Emery: Which I did.

Danielle: Oh, right.

Thinking of buying a pair of plastic nip pasties from Just Nips? The company donates thousands of fake nipples to breast cancer associations and women across the country, helping women post-mastectomy, and other breast cancer survivors, by gifting them with these nipple replacement/enhancers.

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