This week, Lyndsey wrote in because she found out her boyfriend has not only been cheating on her, but that he’s been cheating on her with his WIFE. They’ve been married for 19 years, and he’s been lying to her this whole time. What should she do?
“Hi guys, so I’ve just discovered my BF of 3 years whom I live with and have shopped for rings with and have been trying for a baby with for 12 months…is actually married to his wife of 19 years. He told me he was divorced 12 years ago. I have met his ex girlfriend before me, who he dated for 6 years…! I’m sure you can imagine the shock. The craziest part is that he is still lying – first denying he was still married. After I emailed his wife, he then admitted he was still married but said they aren’t together. But they live in the same house, etc. The web of lies is unbelievable. I feel he has taken away the chance that I will ever have children; I’m 34 and have been trying with him for a year!!! His ex girlfriend and I have met and gone through everything. He told her different lies and even produced a fake divorce paper. He isn’t aware of the extent of the evidence we have, and we are going to confront him this week. How the hell do I get over this? Ever trust another human again and why has he done this?? Can’t get my head around it all, but why try for a baby with someone when you are clearly not available? Any help is appreciated. xx” – Lyndsey
@CrazyJewishMom: Lyndsey, you give me his home address.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope, nope, no don’t do that.
@CrazyJewishMom: At the very least, I want to come with you and the ex girlfriend to the confrontation with this human vat of boiling cat urine.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Unless you want to get arrested, I highly recommend that you don’t invite my mom.
@CrazyJewishMom: I take it back. Don’t confront him. Don’t say a word. Then lure him into your bedroom with sexy lingerie and handcuffs. Lock him to the headboard, and slice his pathetic little weiner right off. Then blend it into a smoothie, and force him to drink it. You could also ruin his credit.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Okay, let’s rein this in a bit. This guy is a pathological liar, and I think it’s good that you are being clear eyed about exactly what he is and the need to get the hell away from him. Honestly, that’s the best advice I can give you – just get out and never look back. It’s completely reasonable for you to want to confront him, and I hope that will give you closure, but don’t get wrapped up in more lies and arguing. It may feel great to scream at him and prove him wrong, but ultimately, you know what you need to do, and arguing doesn’t give you your life back or help you move on. You need to make a clean break, and look to the future.
@CrazyJewishMom: You said you’re worried about kids? If you can do it financially, freeze your eggs right now! But you still have time to do it the natural way!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Also, there are lots of great ways to build a family – adoption, etc. Not to suggest that you won’t be able to have biological children, but you do have other options.
@CrazyJewishMom: Listen, you don’t need a man to have a kid! Head to the genius sperm bank and call it a day!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I am so sorry that you’re going through this. I can’t say anything that’s going to make this hurt less, but I want to beg you not to lose hope. There are good men out there; this one just happens to be a deranged jackass.
@CrazyJewishMom: And don’t you let yourself wallow in this. Eat a few pints of ice cream, and then get back out there immediately. Every second you spend thinking about this sociopath is a win for him. Get back out on the dating scene immediately, and build the family life you want for yourself. Tell everyone you know that you’re interested in dating. Go on all the dating websites. Tell your Rabbi or Priest to keep an eye out for single men. Go to singles mixers at local university alumni groups. You’re going to be fine, but you can’t let this knock you down. Get right back out there and start making your future right now.
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