In this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Elizabeth, who originally wrote us because she and her boyfriend were about to graduate from college, and he was…reluctant…to get an apartment together after school. My mom was dramatic as ever, “DUMP HIM NOW AND FIND A NEW SPERMINATOR. Liz, remove all his things from your place, preferably by dumping them out your window.” I thought it was a terrible idea for them to move in together right after school, but the fact that he was so against it, made me wonder if he might have broader doubts about the relationship.
So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Elizabeth’s original story, and an update from her below!
“I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we are about to graduate college, and he says he doesn’t want to live with me after graduation. We basically live together now, but he won’t make the jump to having just one place. What do you think this means?” – Elizabeth
So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?
I saw you are doing updates on previous posts and thought I would let you know what happened with my boyfriend and I after college.
He put a hard stop on moving in. When we finally talked seriously about it he explained he knew graduating and getting new jobs was going to be a big adjustment, and he wanted us to deal with our new lives without the added stress of moving in. He had also watched a couple friends graduate and move in because it was what they felt like they were supposed to do. They all broke up almost instantly. He felt like we should make life changes when they were right for us and not because society said it was time. I didn’t agree at the time, but retroactively I think he knew himself well. A lot changed that first year and he was my partner and best friend through it. We lived a short 15 min drive away from each other. We chose different, but fun neighborhoods, to live in and split our time.
After a year I put my foot down. I told him at this point we needed to move forward or look closely at what we wanted from each other. He took some time to think and decided we should take the plunge.
We have been living together for over two years now. It wasn’t an easy transition and being settled in our jobs removed a lot of potential stress. I will admit when he is right! We still have to work to be good roommates and separating our feelings for our home from each other, but overall I feel like we are happier living together. So many things that used to be stressful like packing bags and scheduling time to be together have gone away. Every day I come home to my best friend. We have now been together for five years and are looking into buying a house. We are moving at the pace our relationship feels like it should, not a timeline of what is expected, and I am grateful to him for setting that standard.
I know CJM probably wants to know where my ring is. Maybe someday, but right now we are happy as is.
@CrazyJewishMom: You’re damn right that’s what I want to know. No Ring on the Finger, You Must Not Linger!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Enjoy your life. I’m really glad to hear it worked out with him, and it’s awesome that you took your time in making that decision!
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