For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Kristen, who originally wrote us because her boyfriend asked her to move in with him…and his mom. She explained that he wasn’t an unemployed loser, but rather, the living situation was more about the fact that his mom was older and needed some extra care. Nonetheless, she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to take the plunge and move in with the family, so she asked us for advice. My mom rang the (extremely overdramatic) commitment alarm with: “I don’t care if he’s the Dalai Lama, you still need the ring before you move in. WHERE’S THE COMMITMENT? Did he invite you to move in with him to make life easier for him and his mother or to start a future with you? Did he invite you into their home, so he can murder you and sell your organs on the black market more easily? Probably not, but YOU DON’T KNOW UNTIL HE COMMITS TO YOU!!”
I thought her concerns about the stigma attached to a guy who lives with his mom weren’t all that important, because of the circumstances. If anything, I argued that a guy who sacrificed his independence to care for a loved one showed a great deal of compassion and commitment to family! However, I did see my mom’s point about the commitment question: “I totally get how financial and familial pressure in this situation, could make moving in seem particularly attractive in this case. I do have a question for you though: if you guys are actually at the level of commitment where you’re all in, helping out with care for his mom, sharing in the financial burden, essentially acting like a member of the family, why wouldn’t you get engaged and make that commitment official?”
So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Kristen’s original story, and an update from her below!
“Hi Mom and Kate! I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We know we’ll get married in the future, it’s just a matter of time. He has a full time job, but also cares for his 70 year old mother who doesn’t drive. What are your thoughts on me moving in? It would be practical for other reasons other than financial. I have maintained a great relationship with her, but there’s a huge stigma revolving around the idea of moving in with a guy and his mom. Thoughts?” – Kristen
So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?
“I can’t believe it has been two years. So update time!!!! I never moved in, and to this day we are still not married. I’m glad I never moved in, because I feel like it helped our relationship grow. It allowed us to miss each other, and it helped us learn more about cohabiting. To mother’s disappointment, I am still waiting for my ring. It’s going on almost four years now, and I am hoping for an engagement ring in the very near future. We have a goal to save up some money so we can move to Las Vegas and buy a house. I wish my update was more interesting, but I am happy to say I’m still with this amazing guy. And if mother is wondering, yes, his mother is still alive. Lol! It was so great to hear from you, congratulations on your engagement Kate and I CANNOT wait to see all of the wedding planning!”
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I CAN wait for the wedding planning.
@CrazyJewishMom: FOUR YEARS??? You’re worse than my spawn. You need to commit to this guy or get the hell out of there already!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Don’t listen to her. I’m so happy to hear that you’re happy in your relationship and doing well!
@CrazyJewishMom: For G-d’s sake, don’t move in with him in Vegas until you get the ring!
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