Cherita wrote in because she loves her boyfriend very much, but he keeps saying he’s going to move in with her and then bails. Now, it’s been 4 years of this! What should she do?
“My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. After being together for about 6-7 months, he told me he loved me and he wants to marry me. He told me that he that he wanted to move to my hometown with his 2 teenage daughters. Every time we set a date for him to move something comes up and he doesn’t move. Now it is 4 years later and he says that he is moving next month. I absolutely love him, but I got a feeling that he still won’t move. Do you think he has commitment issues? Should I have faith that he will eventually move or just leave the relationship?” -Cherita
@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, commitment issues? This guy is a commitment catastrophe! Faith is for religion, not men. Get the hell out of there!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: It sounds like the situation is complicated. I’m sure it’s difficult to uproot his kids, and that could be playing into the lack of movement on this. However, four years is an unreasonable amount of time to wait for him to follow through on that promise in my opinion. If that were really the plan, he would have figured out a way to make it work by now. And let’s say all of his excuses and reasons for pushing off the move were legitimate and not just commitment phobia, he should have told you that he couldn’t make it work a long time ago and worked toward an alternative plan with you.
@CrazyJewishMom: It’s enough already! Listen to me, Cherita. It’s time to kick this loser to the curb and stop believing the lies!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: At the very least, I think you need to draw a line in the sand and then stick to it. If I were you, I would tell him you love him very much, but you can’t wait any longer to start your life together. Give him a reasonable amount of time to figure it out.
@CrazyJewishMom: She’s already wasted 4 years!! No more time!!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I understand that. I’m just saying I think you should give him a hard deadline, one where he understands that you will break up if he doesn’t move by then. And if he doesn’t follow through, you can be completely confident in the decision to move on with your life. Growing up, my mom always told me that you have to look at people’s actions to understand what they truly want. People can say anything, and it might sound like everything you want to hear, but you ultimately have to look at what they do because talk is cheap.
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