For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Adriana who originally wrote us because she was happily married but slept with her coworker while on a business trip…and didn’t really feel guilty about it. She explained that sex had become routine in her marriage, and she viewed the cheating as a bit of fun and wasn’t bothered by it. Adrianna asked us for our thoughts on the matter, and mother told her to 1.) “DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND! NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THAT!” and 2.) “BUY SOME SEX TOYS, SPICE THINGS UP WITH YOUR HUBBY, and get back on the monogamy train.” I (obviously) disagreed, suggesting that she needed to really take a step back and see figure out if she even wanted to be committed at all and consider coming clean.
So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Adriana’s original story, and an update from her below!
“Hi ladies, I have been married for two years now to a wonderful, sweet man who I dated for 5 years prior to our marriage. However, a couple of weeks ago, during a business trip, I went out for drinks with a group of colleagues and ended up sleeping with one of them. I don’t feel guilty, and I returned home feeling unbothered and treated the whole thing as a fun experience. However, I am surprised about my behavior. Is this normal? I really do love and adore my husband, but sex has become such a routine lately. What are your thoughts?” – Adriana
So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?
So well, this is what happened:
After that one-time, my husband and I both went away on vacation and had a great time. However I was on business trips with this colleague three times after that and it happened again, and again, and again…
Long story short, he asked me to leave my husband and I actually thought about it but couldn’t do it. Instead I came clean, the burden was to heavy. However I didn’t share the entire story with my husband and said it had been a one time thing. He chose to forgive me after a long night of tears (from both sides).
In an interesting turn of events, both (husband and lover) meet over a work dinner back on March and got along great. Of course, my husband didn’t know that he was “The Colleague”. My co worker then told me he thought I made the right choice. He was then relocated to another country and we haven’t had any contact ever since.
My husband and I are now in couples therapy and things had improved a lot. We feel different in a good way.
PS: I did get tested for STDs. Everything is alright
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Honestly, I think that’s pretty messed up and twisted. I appreciate you being open and sharing your story, and I’m glad you’re working through stuff in therapy, but I hope you’ll reconsider the way you approach your marriage. How would you feel if your husband had a steamy affair with a coworker, and then forced you to spend time with the woman he had slept with? Oh, and then justified the cheating by saying that the sex with you was a little boring. And I could stomach my mother’s argument that if it was a one time mistake and you were fully committed going forward, that it might be selfish to tell your husband about the cheating, as it would only hurt him. However, this wasn’t a one night stand. You had a full on affair with your coworker, thought about ending your marriage because of it, and then had a fun little night with your lover and your husband, where the secret joke was entirely at your husband’s expense. If you want to continue in your marriage, I think you owe your husband the whole truth. It just seems unfair to conceal something so big from your partner. I do wish you the best, and I hope you find what you want.
@CrazyJewishMom: What she said.
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