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Ask Mom & Spawn: My Boyfriend Gets Drunk, Parties, and Talks to Another Woman While I Stay Home with Our Child

Cynthia wrote in because her boyfriend leaves her alone with their 3-month-old child to go out and drink, party, and apparently, to talk to the woman he use to sleep with before they started dating. What should she do?

“Hi Mom and Spawn! So recently my boyfriend and I have been having some troubles. Mainly I think he goes out drinking too much while I’m staying home 24/7 with our 3-month-old son. We’ve been together a little over a year now and I got pregnant about 2 months into dating. The issues with the drinking too much we have somewhat worked out and I’m ok with him going out with the guys once a week. This last time he went out he got more drunk than intended and when he got home I had gotten him into bed, plugged his phone in to charge and unlocked it to set his alarm. When I opened it, his messages were open and I saw a text from this woman that he used to sleep with up until we started dating. All she did was ask if he was alright since he had been drinking heavily and he replied saying yes. Well I asked him the next morning who all had ended up showing up at the bar and the list of people didn’t include her. I then asked if he still talked to this woman out of curiosity and he said he hadn’t talked to her since the world series. I know he lied to me about seeing her and he knows that I don’t appreciate being lied to. He also knows that I really dislike this woman. I have huge reservations about them remaining friends because I know the she wanted more than just FWB from him. Should I tell him that I know he lied to me and that it really upset me or should I just let it go and continue to trust him not to do anything with her.” – Cynthia

@CrazyJewishMom: You chop off his balls and promise to return them when he starts acting like a man instead of the dirty, lying fuckboy you’re dealing with now.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, a lot to unpack here. We’ll get to the lying in a minute, but I don’t understand how on earth it makes any sense for him to be partying even once a week and leaving you and his three month old son at home. I get that parenting is hard, and sometimes a person needs to blow off steam, but come ON! I don’t know, I’m not a parent yet, but when I have a three month old baby it’s going to be all hands on deck, and all of those hands will be sober and inside my house. It just seems super unfair. Do you get one night a week to go out and party with your girlfriends or get a massage, Cynthia? If not, then why the hell should he?

@CrazyJewishMom: I would kill Superjew if he ever left Kate alone with my hypothetical Grand-spawn to go out drinking.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Now, to your question about how to handle this other woman. I think you are completely within your rights to be furious and to ask him not to see her again. From the way you wrote this question, it seems like you were grudgingly okay with the idea of them remaining friends up to this point. So, why on earth would he feel the need to lie about it? And even if my interpretation about your acceptance of  his dynamic with the former fling is wrong, he still should absolutely not have lied about seeing her! Ideally you should be able to trust your partner to behave in a way that would make you comfortable whether you’re standing next to them or in another country. However, he lied to you. And the fact that he came home blind drunk doesn’t really inspire much confidence either. I think you should talk to him about what happened very calmly – don’t start a big fight, because then he’ll try to make it about you being dramatic or snooping in his texts, and he’ll probably try to excuse the whole thing with some bullshit about how ‘seeing her wasn’t a big deal, and the only reason he didn’t tell you is because he knew you’d have a fit.’ He is in the wrong. He lied to you. He is the one who needs to apologize and try to earn back your trust.

@CrazyJewishMom: What is an adult man with a baby doing getting so drunk he needs his girlfriend to tuck him in? Please! This guy needs to shape up if he wants to deserve you. HE SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE GOING OUT AND GETTING DRUNK ONCE A WEEK. HE SHOULD BE AT HOME HELPING YOU WITH THE BABY. Get rid of his drunk ass, and get child support.

 

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