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Ask Mom & Spawn: My Boyfriend Proposed … and Then Took It Back and Cheated On Me!

Anonymous wrote in because she was so excited when her boyfriend proposed to her … just to take it back, sext another woman, and then cheat on her. Now, she doesn’t know what to do!

“My boyfriend and I were together for several years when he finally proposed! I was over the moon until a few days later he told me that he wasn’t sure about getting married anymore…we spent the next month or so barely communicating and when we did it ended in yelling or tears. I recently found out that during this time he was talking to another woman – FaceTiming daily and receiving nudes from her (she lives in another state). He reached a point where he decided he wanted to be with me and broke things off with her. About a month after that, he went on a business trip and he had a “moment of weakness” and she flew down to spend the weekend with him. I found all this out after he got back. I confronted him and after initially denying it, he admitted everything. He swears that nothing physical happened and that he “felt guilty the whole time.” He wants to make things work and is trying hard to earn my trust back, but obviously I’m reluctant. Do people really change? Can trust be earned back after it’s broken? Is the saying true- once a cheater always a cheater?” – Anonymous

@KateFriedmanSiegel: A moment of weakness? A moment of weakness is eating a second slice of cake after dinner, not flying the woman you’ve been sexting across state lines and then putting your penis inside of her.

@CrazyJewishMom: Get the hell out of there, and keep the ring.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Seriously, there are so many messed up things here! I don’t think the question you should be asking is whether trust can be repaired, I think you need to ask yourself what kind of person this guy is. I tend to have a more pessimistic view than my mother on cheaters generally, but I think we agree that assuming the cheater wants to try and make it right, it ultimately is a question of whether or not you will be able to truly trust them going forward. If you can get to a place where you don’t feel the need to check his DMs, then maybe it can work. However, I would have a lot of trouble trusting this particular guy ever again. This wasn’t, as he claimed, a one time “moment of weakness.” He spent a month while things were on the rocks with you having video sex with another woman, which is incredibly disrespectful, but arguably just behind the red line assuming you were broken up at that point. But then, after committing to trying to make things work with you, he started talking to this other woman again, coordinated dates for a meet up, figured out logistics for travel across state lines, and then spent a weekend banging in business casual. That’s not just one moment of weakness, it’s a series of moments and frankly a really troubling pattern of deception.

@CrazyJewishMom: Oh, and if you believe him when he says that nothing physical happened in that hotel room, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. 

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah. Also, it’s not like he came to you with this and confessed to try and wipe the slate clean and start over on honest footing. He was perfectly fine not saying a word about it to you, and he even lied after you confronted him with it! And on top of all those shitty things, can we talk about the fact that before any of this happened, he proposed to you and then changed his mind? What kind of a garbage human does that? What does that say about his character and his feelings for you? In my opinion, the most important things in a relationship are trust and commitment. This guy has given you absolutely no reason to trust him, and he can’t even commit to his commitment to commit to you. Life is long and full of extremely difficult decisions that you’ll make with your partner. All questions about trust aside, do you really want to be with someone with such little resolve?

@CrazyJewishMom: Actually, I changed my mind. Sell the ring on ebay, and use the money to hire someone to set his house on fire.

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