“Pathetic Mess” wrote in because her boyfriend who has helped her through so much cheated on her when she went home for Thanksgiving … with a man … and then came out as bisexual to her. Now, she doesn’t know what to do!
“Hi Mom and Spawn; I am in a tailspin right now. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love him. He’s been there for me for many traumatic events in my life, from my grandmother’s death to me switching majors. However, I recently found he cheated on me last time I went home for Thanksgiving…with a man. He told me he was bisexual. I don’t know what to do. I love him and don’t want to lose him but I don’t know if I can stay with a cheater. I don’t know whether it was with a man makes it better or worse. My friends are telling me he’s never appreciated me like I deserve, but I love him. He was my first. He just says he’s not attracted to women right now. What is wrong with me and what should I do?” – Pathetic Mess
@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, get the hell out of there before you get an STD!!! Gay, straight, bi, doesn’t matter. CHEATING IS CHEATING.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I actually think it’s more painful that he cheated with a man, just because he’s also telling you that he isn’t attracted to women right now. So, not only is it a massive betrayal, he’s also rejecting a core part of who you are.
@CrazyJewishMom: You said he was your first sexual partner? Honey, there’s a lot of manmeat in the meat market! Trust me, you’re gonna want to sample some other sausage.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Okay, getting back to the question – I do ultimately think the cheating is a major problem. In long term relationships people have ups and downs sexually. There will be times when you’re less attracted to your partner and times when you can’t keep your hands off them. So, even if we excuse the idea that he’s not attracted to you right now because he’s just not attracted to women at all as just another sexual “down” moment in your relationship, the problem is what he did in response to that feeling.
@CrazyJewishMom: Yeah! He didn’t jerk off in the shower for a while, he went out and screwed a person who isn’t you!!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yes, and that’s the problem. Imagine you end up marrying this guy. Do you really want to constantly wonder if he’s going through another phase where he’s not attracted to women (or even just not attracted to you for some reason) and seeking sexual satisfaction outside of your relationship? The problem is the cheating and the violation of your trust.
@CrazyJewishMom: Dump him. Move on.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I think there are red flags, but I think you should talk to him about the violation of trust and how that hurt you, ideally in couples therapy. Ultimately, as with any instance of cheating, assuming he wants to make it work and is willing to do the work to regain your trust, it really depends on you. Do you think you can get to a place where you don’t feel the need to snoop on his texts and look over your shoulder? Therapy could help, but if you can’t fundamentally trust your partner…I don’t know, I think that’s a miserable way to live.
@CrazyJewishMom: Come On, wake up and smell the Sperminator. Bisexual or straight, HE’S A CHEATER!
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