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Ask Mom & Spawn: I’m Dating This Really Amazing Guy … Who Is Also My Half-Brother

Lo wrote in because she’s dating her half-brother and doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. We had thoughts.

“The question is what to do?! I’m dating my cousin, but he is really not my cousin. Let’s explain this a little better — 15 years ago, when I was 15,  I was introduced to this guy as my “cousin” for lack of a better thing to call him … but in reality his mom is my cousin. To make it even more weird, he is also my half brother (we share the same dad), so let’s say the family dynamic was a little off. His mom was my mother’s niece and she got with my mom’s ex husband/my dad. Weird I know! So this was the reason we didn’t meet any sooner — our families didn’t talk for years. To add more weirdness to this story, when we meet it was an instant attraction … that was until they told us we were related in the most bizarre ways. We were both on vacation in Miami for one summer and spent everyday together, we got along, had fun, plus we had this attraction in the middle of us. It was a combination for disaster and that’s exactly what happened when our families found out we were dating. Not only was it strange because of what happened years ago between our moms, but also because we share 1 brother and 1 sister, and I guess It was super awkward for them too. So to say things ended badly is putting it lightly. Fast forward to this year when I find out he was moving to the same city I live in now. We started to see each other again and talk about the past and just wanted to make things clear that there were no hard feelings, it wasn’t our fault, and that we were just carrying around old karma that’s not even ours. Well, we started talking a lot. We still do have a lot in common; we get along and have fun together. We started hanging out and going out and feelings are there again! He then  jumped the gun before I even had a clue he liked me as anything more that a friend, and talked to my sister and brother and came clean about his feelings. My sister took it really well. She supports him and understands that we don’t see each other as family, because we didn’t meet until we were older. She asked me about my feelings for him and just asked me to be careful with him, because he was all in, and she didn’t want either of us to get hurt in the process. My brother didn’t take it that well. He was fully against it, basically saying this was like end of days and would only bring drama and chaos to our lives. After a few months, my brother finally gave in a little and just said to him “whatever happens I love you, you are my brother but she is my little sister. I wiped her butt; we’ve been together since day one, and that is never going to change, so if this thing you have ends badly I’m siding with her always.”

As much fun as we have, there’s also so much that makes me stop and think before I jump the gun and do something more, so I guess I’m writing because I’m so clueless, I don’t know what to do. I’m so happy when we are together, and I would totally jump the gun if we didn’t have so much on our shoulders. Not to mention I haven’t even started on my mom and dad. They would kill me and die. It’s bad, but I so wish I could be selfish for once and just do what I want, what makes me happy without having to think about everyone’s else opinions or feelings on this. He is the sweetest, super patient, and remembers everything about when we meet and he has the most wonderful details with me. He is like, “let’s go get married and then we will deliver the news; no one is going to say anything then!” He sees me as this walking goddess and it’s an amazing feeling to be seen and understood and to finally meet someone that cares about all of me. Help me make a decision, should I go with my feelings? And see where this goes? Or should I let It go and just stay in the friendzone?” – Lo

@CrazyJewishMom: Lo, honey. Wake up and smell the vomit! There are so many sperminators in the sea. IT’S TIME TO FIND ONE WHO ISN’T ALSO YOUR HALF BROTHER.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: So, I hate to rain on your parade, but I agree with my mom. I get that your family didn’t introduce you until later in your youth, so when you met, it didn’t feel like you were related, but that still doesn’t make it a good idea to pursue a relationship. On a totally practical level, procreating with someone so closely related to you carries a lot of risks for your potential children. Your kids would have a substantially higher risk of severe birth defects and a smorgasbord of genetic disorders than kids born to genetically distant parents. So, if you want to have children, that is absolutely something you need to think about.

@CrazyJewishMom: THERE ARE SO MANY MEN, COME ON! Lo, this is very simple. If he’s invited to family Thanksgiving, you don’t want his penis inside you.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Okay listen, I’m going to try and resist my knee jerk discomfort with the idea of what you want to do here. For example, if you aren’t planning on having children with this guy, then I suppose you could make the argument that being with someone, even someone related to you, isn’t harming anyone. I will say however, it sounds like making the decision to go down a romantic road with this guy will lead to a lot of torment for you family. You already described how upset it made your brother and sister, and you haven’t even told your parents for fear of their reaction. All social stigma aside, it still doesn’t seem like this is a good relationship to pursue on a practical level.


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