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Ask Mom & Spawn: Getting Over Heartbreak

Heartbreak relationship run away cowardly coward asshole men

“I’ve been in a relationship for around a year, but my boyfriend moved to Canada permanently a month ago (we’re English) to pursue his career. I struggled initially but had settled and adjusted to a long distance relationship. But out of nowhere last week he ended things with me and I’m devastated. I thought he was the one but he said he couldn’t see a future with me. It feels like I’ve lost him twice, first with him leaving and now this.” – Charlotte

@CrazyJewishMom: Charlotte, if this guy hadn’t already had a ballectomy at birth (the only possible explanation for this kind of  cowardly behavior), I’d rip his vestigial man parts off with my bare hands, toss them in a nutribullet, and feed the chunky wimp soup to my chihuahua, Thor.

@KateESiegel: Okay, I’ll translate: running away and then ending things from a distance like that is pretty pathetic. Honestly? I have to agree. Someone who handles stressful conversations/ decisions by just sprinting in the other direction, is not someone you want in your corner anyway. Think about it. What happens when you two have a daughter, and she decides to quit college and join a commune? What’s this guy going to do? Run away to Canada again and try to convince the terrifying, yet confusingly charming cult leader, to send your kid home over the phone? (I’ve been watching too much Criminal Minds) No, you want a partner who will stand by your side as you break down said cult leader’s cabin door and drag your daughter back to college.

@CrazyJewishMom: Enough. Charlotte, it’s time to get out of bed, throw on some lipstick, and get back out there!

@KateESiegel: Nope. It’s been a week. You should take the time you need to grieve the relationship. Break ups are hard, and  you shouldn’t put yourself back out there until you’re emotionally ready.

@CrazyJewishMom: That’s bullshit. You shouldn’t waste one more second on this coward weasel. Charlotte, it’s perfect, you don’t even have to worry about running into him, because he ran away! You’re never ready to have your heart broken, but it happens, and guess what? Life goes on. So, you need to go on too. Trust me. You have no idea how quickly time flashes by. Don’t waste one more moment of it worrying about this pile of human fecal matter. You don’t want to date? Fine! Channel that extra energy into your career. He doesn’t deserve another thought.

@KateESiegel: It’s okay to be sad. Just try not to let it paralyze you.

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