“Hey Cjm and Spawn! I have been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years now. We love each other, but I want marriage and kids, (he hasn’t proposed) I feel as though I’m nagging someone who doesn’t want to get married, or one who will finally succumb to it when I wear him down. I love him, my family and friends do as well, but is it worth it? What do I do?” -Catherine
@CrazyJewishMom: Do you actually want me to answer this? Catherine, you already know my answer.
@KateESiegel: Just answer, mother.
@CrazyJewishMom: Okay…What do you do? YOU RUN! Come on! Three years? Do you want to end up like my spawn? No ring, your best eggs flushed down the toilet every month? It’s ultimatum time! What is this guy going to know in another year that he doesn’t know now?
@KateESiegel: This is a tough one. It worries me that you feel like you’re ‘nagging’ and ‘wearing him down’ though. I felt that exact same way in a previous relationship (I’m sorry it’s a shitty feeling), and that relationship did NOT end well. That’s not to say that yours will end badly too, but after three years it’s not great if you feel like you can’t speak comfortably about a future together. In my current relationship, I feel safe talking about that stuff, and I think that’s because we have a similar vision for how the future should look.
@CrazyJewishMom: Oh, yeah? So, you and Superjew are both planning to rot out your ovaries until the only grandspawn I get are of the feline variety?
@KateESiegel: Moving right along…I don’t have all the information, so it’s worth asking: have you ever had a truly open conversation with him about how you each imagine the future? If you’re just dropping hints (even not so subtle ones), it’s definitely time to have an honest conversation about what you both want. He might have a totally different vision for his life than you imagine. You already know you want to get married and have kids, which is great! What if you find out your boyfriend doesn’t believe in marriage and doesn’t want children?
@CrazyJewishMom: Blah blah blah. Bottom line: NO RING ON THE FINGER, YOU MUST NOT LINGER!