Move Abroad or Try Distance: College Edition
“So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now, and he’s the first guy I’ve had a serious relationship with and also the first guy I have truly loved. Since before our relationship began; however, he has talked about wanting to spend a few years living abroad in Europe or Asia and has just started seriously looking into it. We’ve dealt with long distance before, since I am 5 hours away, finishing my university degree, but we’ve never dealt with different countries or time zones. I’m not sure how I feel about that much distance. Since I am graduating in May, I’m at a point in my life when I could go with him, and I’ve always wanted to travel after school. But I don’t know if I necessarily want to live where he’s going, and I’ve never thought of myself as the kind of person that would follow their significant other to another country to keep a relationship going. On the other hand, I’m definitely open to new experiences, and I do love him. I’d love to get your opinion on this, any advice is appreciated. Thanks!” – Anonymous
@CrazyJewishMom: Honey, there’s nothing wrong with going to Asia with a guy you love, but did he invite you? If he didn’t, don’t chase this guy to Timbuktu. Cut him loose and start your own adventure.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I don’t know, even if he did, I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to go. I get the sense that you’re already quite conflicted about the idea of going. What happens if it doesn’t work out? You’re stuck in a new place, living a life you didn’t really want? Even worse, what if it DOES work out, and you never had the chance to pursue your own dreams? I think you should focus on building the life that you want for yourself right now. Finish school, figure out what you want to do with your life, and pursue it. If that’s in Asia, great! If it’s not, that’s great too! And I should also say, not going to Asia with this guy doesn’t mean it’s the end of your relationship. I understand the concern – long distance is very hard, but guess what? A life together is WAY harder. If your romance can’t survive temporary distance, you’re better off knowing that now.
@CrazyJewishMom: And hello? Where do YOU want to travel?? You said traveling abroad after school is something you’ve always wanted to do, so why is he calling all the shots? You should decide where you want to go together!