Ask Mom & Spawn!

Ask Mom & Spawn: Can I Marry a Guy With a Racist Mom?


Brooke wants to know if she should stay with her boyfriend, despite his racist family.

“Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost four years. We are so much in love and are very serious. We talk about marriage and kids and know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. There’s just one problem, his family. His mom continues to say racist stuff around me (I’m African American) and thinks it’s okay. She also has been spreading lies about me to his sister and other family members, talking badly about my mom, and putting me in the middle of drama continuously. His sister also was mean to me for a long time calling me names and being disrespectful. They say it’s “Just her personality”. This all has been really hard on me, because I do not have the best relationship with my own mom, so I felt hurt by my boyfriend’s mom because we were very close. He stood up for me a lot, but ultimately they are his family and he can’t cut them out forever. I finally made the decision to not go over there and see them anymore, but it is very hard for me to deal with my boyfriend seeing them. Is this relationship worth it?
Help!” – Brooke

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Brooke, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this bullshit.

@CrazyJewishMom:   It’s not bullshit. It’s racism, pure and simple. Give them all The Autobiography of Malcom X for Christmas. And a calendar. It’s 2017, not 1717.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Also, I just want to say out front: excusing racist behavior with “it’s just her personality!” is like excusing murder with “it’s just his desire to kill people!” Doesn’t make it cool to do!

@CrazyJewishMom:  Even better, make a donation to the NAACP in their name.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I think only you can make the call about whether the relationship is worth it. It sounds like you’ve taken all the the steps you can to protect yourself from this abuse with your decision to stay away.

@CrazyJewishMom: The boyfriend needs to tell his family to back off. I know you said he’s been supportive, but he needs to cut the shit and stand up for what’s right. If he loves you and wants to be with you, it’s his responsibility to make his family shut up and be respectful. Was there some kind of accident where he lost his balls?

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I do agree it might be worth a shot to try and have your boyfriend draw a line in the sand with his family. After all, every insult they hurl at the person he loves is incredibly disrespectful and should be offensive to him too (obviously way, way shittier for you).

@CrazyJewishMom:  I’m sorry honey this is a hard one.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, people are terrible sometimes. We love you!

hires-book-coverRead Kate’s Book!

Need advice or have questions for @CrazyJewishMom & Spawn? Submit them via the form below for the advice column! AND follow us:

@AskMomAndSpawn on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook!

Your Name (required)

Your Email (required)


Your Message


By making this submission, I hereby acknowledge that I have read, understand, and agree to all the terms and conditions set forth herein.

For qualified advice, please visit this website for resources.

The Latest

To Top