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Ask Mom & Spawn: Do I Introduce My Homophobic Friends To My Boyfriend & Come Out?

I want to introduce my boyfriend to my friends but they are quite homophobic!

“Hello there! I have a problem that I would really like your opinion on. Around a year ago I realized that I am gay, and recently I started dating my first boyfriend. Now, I would really like my friends to meet the person that makes me happy, but there is a small problem. Some of my friends are pretty homophobic. These friends also don’t know I’m gay yet, but I think that now that I have my first boyfriend it feels like the right time to come out and introduce them to him. I’m afraid that when I introduce him and come out, they won’t accept us and will make homophobic remarks. I really don’t want my boyfriend to get hurt by my friends, but I also really want them to get to know him. What should I do?!!” -Sjors

@CrazyJewishMom: YES, you come out! And screw them if they don’t accept you. If they treat you like that, they’re not your friends!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: First of all, it’s wonderful that you’ve found love and are happy, so congratulations on that. I think this is a two part question. You really don’t have to simultaneously come out AND introduce your boyfriend to your friends in the same conversation.

@CrazyJewishMom: Oh, of course not! You have to do it separately.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I think it’s wise to be mindful of your partner’s feelings in all this, and it’s fair to be concerned about how your friends might react, given their past behavior. So, if you’re feeling ready to share that part of your life with them, it might be good to have that conversation first, before introducing your boyfriend. Often, homophobic comments can come from a place of ignorance rather than hate, so there’s a real world where this could be a teachable moment for your friends. If they realize that someone they love and respect is gay and hurt by their insensitive comments, they might reconsider their homophobic behavior.

@CrazyJewishMom: Fine, but if they don’t cut it out, you cut them out. And while we’re cutting, slice off a few of their homophobic, hate spewing testicles.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Her delivery is nuts (GET IT?!), but I think I agree with what she’s fundamentally getting at with all the slicing and dicing. At the end of the day, if these people are true friends, worthy of your time and attention, they won’t try to hurt you or someone you love. You have to express your feelings and make them understand why what they say is hurtful, and if they are real friends, they will rethink their homophobia.

@CrazyJewishMom: And again, if not? You can borrow my knife.


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