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Ask Mom & Spawn: Help! My Fiancé is Sexting Other Women

Amanda wrote in because her fiancé, who she’s been with for 7 years, is constantly flirting and sexting with other women…and then saying he will change.

“I have been in a seven year relationship with my now fiancé. The problem is that I keep finding flirty messages and naked photos of other women on his phone. I’ve caught him trying to meet up with these women, I’ve caught him telling other women how “un-satisfied” he is with me…I’m at a loss as to what to do. When I confront him, he tells me he’s done and that he loves me. How do you trust a liar? You don’t. I’m in love with this man, and I don’t understand why he keeps hurting me. I’m completely destroyed. I know he hasn’t physically cheated on me…but it doesn’t hurt any less. I feel completely disgusting and worthless. I just don’t want to make a mistake of marrying him if this won’t stop.” – Amanda

@CrazyJewishMom: First of all, why on earth you believe that this human version of a bird shitting on your car as you exit the car wash, hasn’t physically cheated on you? As YOU said, you don’t trust a liar! He lies about everything else, why would he tell you the truth about this? You should go get tested immediately!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Wow, he’s really put you in an incredibly shitty position. He knows he has you wrapped up in him, and he’s completely disrespecting you and testing the limits of how much he can get away with.

@CrazyJewishMom: Amanda, I need you to listen to me very carefully. GET THE HELL OUT NOW, BEFORE YOU RUIN YOUR LIFE. Don’t marry him. Trust me, it won’t stop. It will get worse.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Also, even if he hasn’t physically crossed the line, I don’t agree with your assessment that what he’s done doesn’t count as cheating. The real pain when someone cheats on you is never about the physical act, it’s about the broken trust and the betrayal. Even if he hasn’t actually interacted with another woman’s vagina, he’s completely betrayed you on an emotional level.

@CrazyJewishMom: He’s a pig.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, think about it. And listen, it would be one thing if he just had a lot of porn on his phone, or even if he were paying a porn star to send him nudes (to be clear, that would suck too!), but this is worse. He’s having full-on, emotional relationships with other women, planning in person meet-ups, and talking shit about you behind your back. Try and step back for a second, and look at this objectively. If your best girlfriend were asking you what to do about a guy who treated her like this, what would you tell her?

@CrazyJewishMom:  You’d tell her to saw off his filthy dick with a rusty axe, and take it to a leather tannery to make a dick-skin ring to replace her engagement ring with.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Listen, I completely understand why the idea of ending this relationship is terrifying. After seven years with someone, they become more like a limb than a partner, and it’s hard to imagine life without them. That said, inertia is not a reason to stay with someone who is treating you like a trash-filled punching bag.

@CrazyJewishMom: You are NOT “disgusting” or “worthless.” Your fiancé is for making you feel that way about yourself. Amanda, you deserve someone who makes your life easier and brings you happiness. Get out now; he won’t change, and it’s just more misery down this road.

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