For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened?, we caught up with Melissa, who was having an intense, emotional love triangle with her wife and another woman. She kept trying to leave the other woman, who she was having an emotional affair with, but couldn’t seem to shake her off. My mom and I both agreed that Melissa had to “ovary up” and make a decision before she hurt her wife even more than she had already. It was obvious she knew what the right thing was for her, but she just didn’t seem to want to go through with it.
So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Melissa’s original story, and an update from her below!
“I just want to start off by saying that I know what I am doing is completely wrong and I really need help getting past this. I am in my mid twenties and have been with my wife for five years now. Last year we were in a long distance relationship that really hurt us, I was so weak during this time and started an emotional relationship with another woman that I worked with. I eventually told my wife about it and we got past it. But, this other woman and I had the most intense emotional connection I have ever experienced in my life. Since then, I have tried to stay away from this woman because I love my wife and the life we have. I know this other woman has feelings for me too, but is engaged to be married this year. I’ve tried ending things so many times and somehow we always end up reconnecting, and the emotions get stronger for both of us, and gets messier every time we end things. I think I might be in love with her too and I just want the feelings to go away, but I’m not strong enough to stand up for myself. Last night, I saw her again, and it was just awkward and hard to handle. How do I truly end this relationship, and should I be honest with my wife about everything? I feel so conflicted, and I know I completely brought this onto myself.” – Melissa
So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?
“Your advice really helped. And things took a turn for the worse and my wife (now husband – female to male transition) and I did break up for two months because of the mistrust.
I finally ended up coming clean to my husband and even though the truth coming out was painful on both ends it truly brought us closer together. I’m happy to share that my husband and I are actually the best we have ever been and are in the process of trying to start a family via IVF.
After seeing the other woman when I initially messaged you two, I realized things needed to end, so I ended things and I thought that would be the end of it. Well, a few weeks later she instant messaged me again on my work computer (we used to work for the same company before I chose to leave) as my then-wife (now husband) was walking into the room. I never spoke to her again and chose to block her on my work computer. I will admit that things got a little messy when her fiancé got involved – I had to send her a message asking to make her fiancé stop messaging me, and my husband also sent her fiancé a message with details of the affair. To my knowledge, they still got married a few weeks later.
After that point I came clean about everything from secretly seeing her, to the emotional feelings that were formed, everything came out and it was hard. When I came clean about everything I was on a 4 month assignment away for work so we couldn’t work on our relationship since I was in another state, but when I came back home, I hadn’t realized how broken our marriage was. I helped my now husband come out as transgender and we still had trust issues which eventually led us to take a short break and started sleeping in separate rooms.
I felt so sad and hurt, but knew I caused a lot of our issues by making poor decisions, so I started going to therapy and truly just focusing on myself and why I felt the need to have an affair. As my husband saw the changes in me, it drew us closer together again.
In the end we both made mistakes, me with the affair, and I got hurt by the way my husband briefly ended things, but we are much better than ever and we are so excited for this new adventure we have started. I am about a week into IVF and we will hopefully be bringing in another member into our family in November of next year.
Also, about a month or two ago, the woman I had the affair with tried re-entering my life using a fake social media account to add me. Thankfully I was not tempted and blocked that account and continued to focus on the life and family I am trying to build with my husband. It blows my mind that after over a year of no contact, she is still trying to reach out to me even though we never got more physical than a kiss.
I truly do appreciate the advice that the two of you provided, you were completely right and I was being selfish. Making the decision was easy and didn’t require much effort. Even though the other woman still tries to get in touch with me, but I have blocked her in all forms of communication and have not looked back since. ❤
When looking past the lust the decision was a no brainer and it was certainly the right choice, because everything my husband and I do, both for each other and others is always out of love. We are happy with the way things turned out even though it took us a while to get there. He really is my knight in shining armor.” – Melissa
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Oh, I’m so glad to hear how well things are going for you! It sounds like you really did the right thing, and I’m thrilled it all worked out for the best.
@CrazyJewishMom: Congratulations on starting your family. If you ever need anyone to babysit, call me. Who knows when my own spawn is going to make me a grandmother.
Want to hang with Mom & Spawn IRL? Send us a booking inquiry below!
For qualified advice, please visit this website for resources.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, please visit this website for resources or call 1-800-799-7233.