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Ask Mom & Spawn: Do I Take A Promotion or Move To Boston For My Boyfriend?

Anonymous wrote in because she loves her boyfriend very much and wants to move with him to Boston so he can match his residency. BUT, she is also in the running for a major, career-advancing promotion. What should she do?

“Hi Mom and Spawn, I’m writing because I’m really conflicted. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and I love him very much. We’ve been living together for the past year and it’s been going great. My boyfriend just matched for his residency in Boston, and we currently live in Philadelphia. Two weeks ago I informed my boss that I might be leaving to move with my boyfriend once he matches for residency. Two days ago my boss indicated that he would like to try to recruit me for a promotion. This promotion would be an incredible opportunity and allow me a lot more financial flexibility. If I do in fact get this promotion it would make it almost impossible to find an as competitive offer in Boston. My boyfriend fully supports me in taking this promotion, but I’m worried about what that would mean for our relationship. On the one hand I want to go to a new city and start to build a new life there, but I’m scared that that might mean taking a less competitive employment option. I really don’t know if I should stay in Philly or follow my boyfriend to Boston and start building a new career there.” – Anonymous


@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, that was a little dramatic. However, I tend to agree. It sounds like you’ve got a supportive partner, and it’s wonderful that he’s encouraging to do what’s best for your career. Long distance isn’t the end of the world, and you wouldn’t be doing it forever. All of that said, there are two central reasons why I feel strongly that not taking the promotion is a bad idea. First, career advancement: Whether or not you even intend to keep the job, putting that promotion on your resume will help your long-term prospects and you could even leverage it to get a job at another company at a higher level than you would otherwise. Second, you need to do you at this point in your life. I hate to sound like my mother…

@CrazyJewishMom: Go on…

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I hate to sound like my mother, but I think it’s a bad idea to make decisions as a family unit if you’re not ready to commit to being a family. I know it’s hard when you love someone and you see the potential for a future together, but until you’re ready to commit to one another neither of you should make career sacrifices. Imagine you move to Boston, start over in a mediocre job, and then you guys break up? I dealt with a similar situation right when I was out of school, I was in a long-term relationship and I got an opportunity that would have meant moving across the country. I didn’t end up taking it, and though I’m extremely happy with where my life is now, it was definitely a mistake.

@CrazyJewishMom: Ah yes, your ex..the bed-wetting wonder!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Sigh.

@CrazyJewishMom: Listen, this is very simple. JOB FIRST, PENIS SECOND.

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