For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with “The Other Wo-man” a man who originally wrote in because he hooked up with a “straight” guy he met on a dating app…even though he knew the guy had a serious girlfriend. He felt very guilty and was considering reaching out to the girlfriend to let her know, and wanted to know what we thought he should do. My mother had some feelings about this one, like “keep your trouser snake on a leash when you find out the guy is in a relationship.” I also said that he should reach out to let this girl know because “wouldn’t you want a heads up if your partner were cheating?” Also, STDs exist.
So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on The Other Wo-Man’s original story, and an update from him below!
“Hey Mom and Spawn!! So this past week I slept with a guy who I had met on a dating app. We had talked a little bit before meeting up and he said that he was in a serious relationship with a woman (I’m a queer man). This threw me off and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with hooking up but, in a moment of weakness, I agreed. Now I can’t get the thought of his, probably sweet and loving, girlfriend out of my head even though I think the cheater is more to blame? Should I try to find her and tell her? I know I deserve the guilt but I don’t know what else to do aside from blocking him!” -Other Wo-Man
So, #WhatTheHellHappened to him?
“I tried taking your advice and finding his girlfriend to tell her that her boyfriend is a cheater, so I could at least make some sort of amends, but I have yet to find her! Him and I aren’t friends on social media and he has a common name so Facebook stalking has been tough, but if he ever messages me again you better believe I’ll find him! Also, I’m a tad worried about outing him? I understand his girlfriend deserves to know that he cheated, but I’m also afraid he might not be ready to be outed, as I know a lot of boys who have had that done to them, and it’s very harsh. What are your thoughts?”
The Other Wo-Man
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Here’s my two cents…I agree that it’s messed up to out someone. I wholeheartedly believe that coming out is a decision that should be completely on the terms of the person doing the coming out. That said, in a situation like this, it’s not just the person coming out whose livelihood is at stake. He is lying to his partner and exposing them to every other person he’s slept with as in any situation with cheating, all questions of sexuality aside. I would argue that the greater moral harm in that scenario comes from the person doing the lying, so it’s okay to share it with the cheater’s partner. Think about it, it’s not like you slept with someone and you’ve decided to out him to his family just because you feel like it. You’re thinking about telling his partner, who he is lying to and exposing to unnecessary and unknown risks. If he didn’t have a partner who he was lying to, you wouldn’t even be considering “outing” him.
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