Bobby Ann wrote in because she recently found out that her boyfriend’s “family friend” is his ex of three years. He also hasn’t introduced her to his family and his family really wants him and his ex to get back together — yikes. Also, Bobby Ann is supposed to move in with him soon. What should she do?
“My boyfriend of about a year still talks with his ex – he referred to her as his family friend for a long time and although I knew his family was friends with her I never believed it. We are now about to move in together, and I am just finding out that my suspicions are valid: they were “friends with benefits” for more than 3 years. The last time he saw her was a month before we met, but he says they catch up about once a year…meanwhile, he is not close with his family so I gave little thought to why I have yet to meet them but now find out that they not only know nothing about me or that he is seeing someone but also that they are still stuck on this girl and have dreams that they will get back together. When we argue he asks if I want him to call them right now and tell them about me, and it almost hurts more that he wants me to beg. It always seems like he makes me feel like this is purely me being insecure and he loves me…but when I am in love I want to tell everyone about them. Am I being silly moving in with a guy that’s family is in love with another girl and isn’t aware I exist? Is it okay for him to be speaking with her about every month? Thank you!” – Bobby Ann
@CrazyJewishMom: Bobby Ann, don’t move in with this lying sack of fuckboy-filled shit! At the very least, you two need to iron some crap out before you even think about doing that.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: So, I think it’s completely reasonable for you to be concerned about a lot of this. Let’s start with a baseline: It’s not cool that he lied to you about something as significant as a THREE YEAR relationship. I understand wanting to keep certain things in your past to yourself, but misrepresenting something that big seems like a red flag to me.
@CrazyJewishMom: “Family friend” my ass!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: It’s also quite worrying that he isn’t willing to tell his family about you. This taken completely apart from the situation with his ex is messed up, especially since you’re planning to move in together. Like, what’s the plan? If his mom ever visits your place, you hide in a laundry hamper? The fact that he told his family about his ex is just the icing on this shitty cake.
@CrazyJewishMom: Look, you need to talk to him. Either he wants a future or he doesn’t. And you’re right. When you love someone you want to share it with everyone, MOST OF ALL YOUR MOTHER!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, that’s not true.
@CrazyJewishMom: Bottom line is, he needs to include you in his life if he wants to be part of your future.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I tend to agree, and regarding talking to the ex, I think you need to explain to him why it makes you uncomfortable. It’s ultimately his fault that you’re uncomfortable with him speaking to her!! He started out by lying to you about the fundamental nature of their relationship, so why on earth would you be comfortable with him continuing to talk her? Obviously phrase it in a more diplomatic way when you have the conversation, but it’s ridiculous for him to expect you to be cool with the idea of him reconnecting with an ex who he felt the need to tell you wasn’t actually an ex once a month!
@CrazyJewishMom: If it doesn’t work out with this guy…call me! There are plenty of sperminators in the sea. Trust me.
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