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Ask Mom & Spawn: I Developed Feelings for my BF’s Friend After We Tried a Threesome

Anonymous wrote in because her boyfriend wanted to try a threesome and she reluctantly said yes to a one-time thing with someone they didn’t really know. Now, they have done it multiple times with her BF’s friend, and now she is starting to develop feelings for the friend. What should she do?

“I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now, he is wonderful and I really do love him which is why when he brought it up to me about wanting to possibly try a threesome, I reluctantly agreed. We talked about it a lot and decided it would be best as a one time thing probably with someone we aren’t close with or don’t know to avoid weirdness after. My boyfriend has a large group of friends that we are super close with and there is one that I hit it off with right off the bat and we have been close ever since. So this threesome didn’t go as planned since it happened with his friend and it has been more than once. My problem is now that I think I have started developing some real feelings for him (the friend) and I’m not sure what to do about it now…?”

@CrazyJewishMom: Your first mistake? THREESOME WITH A CLOSE FRIEND!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I’m not adventurous enough to ever try something like that, but sleeping with a mutual friend seems like a recipe for disaster.

@CrazyJewishMom: And you shouldn’t let a man or anyone ever pressure you into a threesome in the future! You should only do something if you wholeheartedly want it too. And frankly, adding another penis (or vag) into a monogamous relationship rarely ends well in my experience.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR THREESOMES, MOTHER!

@CrazyJewishMom: Oh relax, I haven’t done a threesome. I meant anecdotally!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: In terms of where you go from here, I’m not going to sugarcoat it – this is a very sticky situation. The first thing I’ll say is that you might be romanticizing this other guy a lot. Think about the relationships comparatively. On the one hand you’re in a serious long term relationship, with all the ups and downs and UTIs that come with that, and on the other hand you’re talking about a guy you’ve had steamy sex with a few times and limited fun banter. It’s very difficult to compare those dynamics, and you might be falling into the “grass is always greener” trap with the other man.

@CrazyJewishMom: This is easy. You stop having threesomes with the guy and come back to reality with your boyfriend. Unless this other guy is a real asshole with no sense of bro code, he’s not going to date you anyway, so there’s no future. Move on.

Did you know that @CrazyJewishMom is a licensed realtor at The Corcoran Group in New York? Let her help you find your dream home, and with all of your real estate needs. Get in touch with her on her new Instagram account or send her an email at Kim.Friedman@corcoran.com!

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