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Ask Mom & Spawn: My BF Just Broke Up With Me … But Wants to Remain Close Friends

Alex wrote in because her boyfriend of 2 years broke up with her for another girl … but still wants to remain really close friends. Now, Alex is conflicted because she thinks he’s only doing this so he could come running back if it doesn’t work out. What do you think?

“Dear Mom and Spawn, my long distance SO of 2 years just broke up with me for someone else. He literally flew across the county to have this conversation and it came as a real shock because we had recently talked about me moving in with him once my lease ends. He claims nothing has happened between them, that he’s not even sure if she’s into him, she might be relocating for work, etc, essentially all things to attempt to make me feel better (which are clearly not working). He said he plans to ask her out when he gets back to San Francisco and is going to be very transparent with her about our relationship because it was so important to him. Which brings me to my dilemma: He also wants to stay close friends. He says it’s because I mean so much to him and I’m just not sure how to take that. Part of me believes him, but another part of me wonders if it’s because he knows I love him and would come back in a heartbeat if things don’t work out with this new girl. I know he still loves me, I just need some clarity so I can hopefully make the best choice for my heart, brain, and vagina.” -Alex

@CrazyJewishMom: HE DUMPED YOU!! DON’T SPEND ANOTHER SECOND THINKING ABOUT HIM!!! He wants to be friends? Tell him to join a dodgeball club. He doesn’t love you.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I tend to agree (not about the dodgeball). The situation sucks. This has got to be insanely painful, and I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Even though he did the right thing ending things with you before acting on his feelings for someone else, it doesn’t make it any less hard.

@CrazyJewishMom: Breakups are always awful but don’t wallow, Alex. You get a week to eat pizza and cry, but then you need to get back out there and move on with your life.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I mean, that’s definitely not enough time to grieve a long term relationship, but I will agree with the overall sentiment that it’s a good idea to force yourself to keep going as soon as you can. But back to your question about whether you should remain friends with him. I think that no matter what his intentions are for wanting to remain friends, you should cut him out of your life, at least for now. Think about it – you’re still completely in love with this man. Even if his desire to remain friends isn’t motivated by him wanting to keep you on the back burner in case things don’t work out with the new girl, having to have cordial conversations with someone who just broke your heart isn’t going to help you move on and think about your future. And if you are right that the friendship would just be him trying to keep his options open with you…that’s not a friend, that’s an asshole.

@CrazyJewishMom: And if he comes running back to you when the new girl rejects him, don’t take him back so fast. He has shown you how he feels about you. It might be tempting, but think about your future. What happens the next time he gets a boner for some San Francisco fashion bitch? What happens if you have a kid together then? Move on.


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