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#WhatTheHellHappened: To the Woman Who Felt Uncomfortable Sending Nudes to Her BF

In this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Ann, who originally wrote in because her boyfriend moved away and they started long-distance dating. To help keep things intimate, he wanted her to send nudes…but she was completely uncomfortable with it. At first, he seemed understanding, but he soon started getting angry about it. To that, my mother said: “He wants to see you naked? Tell him to fly over and see it in person.” We both agreed that she definitely shouldn’t send her lady bits, because REVENGE PORN. And also, because no one should be pressured into doing something they are uncomfortable with sexually!

So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Ann’s original story, and an update from her below!

“Hey mom and Kate! I studied abroad this last semester and during my exchange I met this hot French guy. We had an instant connection and he was everything I could’ve wanted, so against all odds we became official and are still together even though I’m back in America. I was skeptical about doing long distance but everything seemed to be working out fine for us, until recently. Because of the distance we obviously can’t be intimate anymore like we’d like to. So to fix that he asked for intimate pictures of me, and even though I trust him I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. At first he was fine when I said no but lately he’s been getting mad about it and it annoys me that he does that! I just don’t know what to do cause I wanna make him happy, but I don’t wanna put me down in the process because sending nudes makes me feel very insecure and paranoid that the wrong eyes will see them. Maybe long distance really doesn’t work? How do I reason with him, but also keep him happy? Is that even possible? Help!” – Ann

So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?

“Months have passed since I wrote in and my  boyfriend and I are still together and going strong.

Things went South before they started looking up though, after I read your advice I felt sure about my decision, which made me feel better. However a few days later he asked for nudes again, and this time it felt like an ultimatum. He said I needed to decide once and for all if I was gonna do it so he could “sort himself around it”. I panicked and thought he was gonna break up with me, cause what else could that mean? So in a moment of weakness, I did it, I sent him a photo. I immediately felt stupid afterwards and the next morning I confronted him. I told him about how that and the whole situation was making me feel, and I even showed him the column lol. He apologized and said he didn’t mean he was gonna break up with me, and that he hadn’t realized I had such an issue with it (and he actually hadn’t so I learned how oblivious he can be). It’s unfortunate things had to escalate for stuff to get cleared out but it worked! Ever since then, we’ve really worked on our communication and he really took it as a learning experience. Now he really hears me out and tries to understand me, he no longer pushes me into doing anything and with every disagreement we have, he takes a moment to breath so we can talk things out. So things got worse for a bit but now they’re so much better in every aspect. Now we’re figuring out how to get rid of the distance and I look forward to having him by my side.

PS: you were right, phone sex works.

Thanks for the advice!”

@KateFriedmanSiegel: First of all, I resent the reminder about all the steamy phone sex my mother apparently had, but I am happy it’s working out for you. This is great! I’m glad you guys were able to have an honest conversation about it, and it’s great that he’s stopped pressuring you. Sometimes couples really just need to learn how to communicate, and a lot of the issues stem from misunderstandings. Wish you all the best as you figure out this exciting new chapter and relocation!

@CrazyJewishMom:  Keep up the sexy work!

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